Ending a long-term relationship can be one of the most difficult and painful experiences a person can go through. The suddenness of the breakup can make it even harder to deal with, leaving you feeling lost and confused.
However, it is possible to cope with the heartache and come out stronger on the other side.
In this article, we will explore 17 ways to cope with a sudden breakup in a long-term relationship. From allowing yourself to grieve and process your emotions, to seeking support from friends and family, these strategies will help you to navigate the difficult journey of healing and moving forward.
Why do people break up suddenly?
Understanding the reasons behind a sudden breakup can provide closure and help in the healing process. In this section, we will explore 8 most common reasons why people break up suddenly
1) Infidelity:
Cheating can be a major deal-breaker for many people and can lead to a sudden and unexpected breakup. The betrayal of trust and the violation of the relationship’s commitment can cause deep emotional pain and can make it difficult for the relationship to continue.
2) Lack of communication:
When two people are not able to effectively communicate and address issues in the relationship, it can lead to a buildup of resentment and ultimately a sudden break-up. Without proper communication, misunderstandings, and disagreements can escalate and the relationship can become toxic.
3) Growing Apart:
People change over time and their interests, goals, and values can shift. When these changes are not aligned, it can lead to growing apart and ultimately a sudden break-up. This can happen when two people have different aspirations in life and are not on the same page.
4) Different Priorities:
When two people have different priorities in life, it can be hard to make the relationship work. For example, one person may want to focus on their career while the other wants to start a family. These different priorities can cause conflicts and make it hard for the relationship to continue.
5) Lack of trust:
Trust is an essential ingredient in any relationship. When trust is broken, it can be difficult to rebuild and can lead to a sudden break-up. Trust issues can arise from infidelity, dishonesty, or keeping secrets.
6) Falling out of love:
Sometimes people fall out of love and may not even be sure why. They may not feel the same connection or attraction to their partner anymore and choose to end the relationship suddenly. This can happen when the spark in the relationship fades away over time, and both parties don’t put in the effort to reignite it.
7) Emotional or physical abuse:
When a person experiences emotional or physical abuse, it can be a major deal-breaker and can lead to a sudden break-up. This kind of abuse can cause severe emotional and physical harm and can make it impossible for the relationship to continue.
8) Unresolved issues:
When issues in the relationship are not addressed and resolved, they can simmer under the surface and eventually lead to a sudden break-up. These issues can be anything from financial, trust, or compatibility issues, and if not addressed, they can cause the relationship to deteriorate.
17 Ways To Deal With An Unexpected BreakUp In A Long-Term Relationship
The suddenness of the breakup can leave you feeling lost and alone, but it’s important to remember that healing is possible. In this section, we will explore the 17 most practical and effective ways to deal with a sudden breakup and how you can get over it faster.
1) Allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions:
A breakup can be a difficult and emotional time, and it’s important to give yourself permission to fully feel and process those emotions. Instead of bottling them up or pushing them away, allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the person you loved. For example, you can plan a solo vacation to a peaceful destination like a beach or mountain retreat, where you can relax and reflect on your feelings. Or you can write a letter to your ex (that you don’t have to send) to help you process your feelings and gain closure.
2) Seek support from friends and family:
A support system for loved ones can be invaluable during a breakup. Lean on your friends and family for a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or a distraction from heartache. For example, you can plan a fun night out with your besties, where you can dance, laugh and forget about the heartache for a while. Or you can schedule a weekly call with a family member to check in on each other and talk through your feelings.
3) Avoid reaching out to your ex for a while, to give yourself space:
In the aftermath of a breakup, it can be tempting to reach out to your ex in an attempt to reconcile or simply to maintain contact. However, giving yourself space and avoiding contact with your ex for a while can be beneficial for your own healing and personal growth. For example, you can unfollow them on social media, delete their number from your phone, and block their email address to give yourself the space you need.
4) Take time for self-care and engage in activities that make you feel good:
Taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, is crucial during a breakup. Engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel good, whether that be exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. For example, you can treat yourself to a spa day, where you can relax and unwind, take a cooking class to learn a new skill and focus on something positive, or plan a weekend camping trip to reconnect with nature and clear your mind.
5) Reflect on the relationship and what you learned from it:
Take the time to reflect on the relationship and the lessons you have learned from it. This can help you gain a greater understanding of yourself, your wants and needs, and what you want in a future relationship. For example, you can write down the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and what you can do differently in the future, or you can reflect on how you want to be treated in a relationship and what you want in a future partner.
6) Try to avoid blaming yourself for the breakup:
A breakup is usually the result of multiple factors and both parties are responsible. Avoid ruminating on “what ifs” and “should haves” and remind yourself that you did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time. For example, don’t beat yourself up over things that you could have done differently, instead, remind yourself that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that the breakup is not all your fault.
7) Seek professional counseling or therapy if needed:
If you’re finding it difficult to cope with the breakup, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. A counselor or therapist can help you to work through your emotions and provide practical strategies for moving forward. They can also help you to work through any underlying emotional issues that may have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. For example, you can seek out a therapist who specializes in relationship issues, or you can find a support group for people going through a breakup.
8) Avoid jumping into a new relationship right away:
It’s important to take the time to heal and learn from your past relationship before diving into a new one. Rushing into a new relationship can prevent you from dealing with the emotions and lessons of the past one. For example, give yourself time to heal, focus on yourself, and grow before jumping into a new relationship. Instead of looking for someone new, focus on yourself and your personal growth.
9) Take up a new hobby or revisit an old one:
Engaging in a new hobby or revisiting an old one can be a great way to take your mind off the breakup and focus on something positive. For example, you can take up painting or pottery, or revisit an old hobby like playing an instrument or hiking. This can also be a great opportunity to discover new passions and interests. For example, you can join a book club, or take up a sport like tennis or soccer. This can help to keep you occupied and give you a sense of accomplishment and personal growth.
10) Surround yourself with positive and supportive people:
Surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive, rather than those who may bring you down. Being around people who lift you and support you will help you to feel better and regain your confidence. For example, you can plan a weekend getaway with friends, where you can bond and create positive memories. Or you can join a club or group that aligns with your interests, such as a hiking club or a cooking class.
11) Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle by eating well and exercising:
Eating well and exercising can have a positive impact on both your physical and mental health, and can help you to feel better during this difficult time. Aim for healthy and balanced meals, and try to stay active, whether that be through exercise, yoga, or taking a walk. For example, you can make a meal plan for the week, and schedule a regular workout routine, such as going to the gym or going for a run.
12) Practice mindfulness and self-compassion:
Mindfulness and self-compassion can be incredibly helpful when dealing with a breakup. Practice mindfulness by being present at the moment, focusing on your breath, and being aware of your thoughts and feelings. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself, permit yourself to feel what you feel, and remind yourself that healing takes time. For example, you can download a mindfulness app, or try a guided meditation to help you focus on the present moment, or you can also practice gratitude by writing down things you are grateful for in your journal.
13) Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to heal:
Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to heal. Don’t rush yourself or put pressure on yourself to “get over” the breakup. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, and be kind to yourself as you go through the process. For example, you can give yourself time to heal, and don’t put pressure on yourself to move on too quickly, focus on your healing and personal growth instead of rushing into a new relationship.
14) Remember that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and to cry if you need to:
It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions following a breakup, and it’s okay to cry if you need to. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judging yourself for them, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings to someone you trust. Crying can also be a healthy way to release emotions and process the feelings that come with a breakup. For example, you can watch a movie that makes you cry, or listen to sad songs that make you feel your emotions.
15) Write about your feelings in a journal or diary:
Writing about your feelings can be a therapeutic way to process them and gain a greater understanding of yourself and the situation. Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper can help you to make sense of them and understand what you’re going through. For example, you can write a letter to your ex (that you don’t have to send) to get your thoughts and feelings out of your head, or you can make a journal entry every day to express your thoughts and emotions.
16) Create a vision board or bucket list of things you want to do in the future:
Creating a vision board or bucket list of things you want to do in the future can be a great way to focus on the positive and look forward to new experiences. It can also help you to see that there is still a lot of life to be lived, even after a breakup. For example, you can make a vision board of your dream life, including places you want to travel, career goals, and personal milestones. Or you can create a bucket list of things you want to experience or achieve in the future, such as skydiving, learning a new language, or climbing a mountain. This can give you something to look forward to and can help you see that there is still a lot to be excited about in life.
17) Remember that it’s possible to find love again in the future:
A breakup can make it feel like love is impossible, but it’s important to remember that it is possible to find love again in the future. Keep an open mind and heart and don’t give up on the possibility of finding happiness in a future relationship. For example, you can be open to new experiences and people, and remember that love can come in unexpected ways. You never know who you might meet at a friend’s party or a coffee shop.
How long after a breakup is the hardest?
Generally, the first two weeks after a breakup are often considered to be the hardest. During this time, the initial shock and pain of the breakup can be intense, and it can be difficult to see a way forward. However, it’s important to remember that healing is a process and it takes time.
What not to do after a breakup?
After the breakup, you should not be too hard on yourself. It’s important to be gentle and compassionate with yourself during this difficult time, and not to blame yourself for the breakup.
Also, you should not try to suppress your feelings. Instead, you should allow yourself to feel your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or hurt, and not suppress them. However, you should not stalk your ex on social media no matter how much you miss them because it can prolong the healing process and make it harder for you to move on.
Lastly, you should not try to seek revenge or use alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism because it can be harmful and can lead to addiction. It’s better to find healthy ways to cope with your emotions, such as picking up a new hobby or starting the passion project you have been putting aside.
How long does it take to recover from a long-term relationship breakup?
It’s important to note that, everyone heals differently and at a different pace. Some people might feel better after a few days, while others might take months or even years to move on.
Give yourself enough time to recover from the breakup. New things and new people will come into your life and you will eventually forget about the relationship. By that time, you might feel that everything happened for a reason and it could be a blessing because you can finally be with someone who loves you as much as you love them.
Can a sudden breakup be traumatic?
A sudden breakup can be traumatic for some people, as it can cause intense emotional pain and a sense of loss. The suddenness of the breakup can make it difficult for the person to process and understand what has happened, which can increase feelings of trauma. The breakup can also disrupt the person’s sense of identity and self-worth, and cause them to question their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships in the future. The trauma can also trigger feelings of anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms.
It’s important to note that everyone deals with breakups differently, some people might be able to cope with the situation and move on, while others might find it hard to move on and might experience difficulty functioning in their daily lives. If you are having a hard time coping with the breakup, it’s recommended to seek professional help, such as a therapist or counselor, who can help you to process your emotions and work through the trauma.
How do I become mentally strong after a breakup?
The number one best way to become mentally strong after a break-up is by practicing self-care. This means taking the time to nurture yourself and discover who you are and what you want out of life. Self-care can include activities like meditating, journaling, and exercising. These activities can help to clear your mind and provide you with a sense of calm and control.
Another key aspect of becoming mentally strong after a break-up is to practice positive self-talk. This means speaking to yourself in an encouraging and supportive way. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, try to talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. Acknowledge your feelings, but also recognize your strengths. This will help to build your confidence and self-esteem.
Finally, it’s important to practice gratitude. Breaking up can make it easy to focus on what you’ve lost, but making a list of all the things you’re thankful for in your life will help you to appreciate what you have and look for the positives in life. That way, you will get stronger and will be able to get out of the heartache faster.