13 Things to Do If Your Husband Is Not Affectionate or Romantic

Things to Do If Your Husband Is Not Affectionate or Romantic

Maintaining a strong and fulfilling relationship requires effort from both partners. However, it can be disheartening if your husband is not as affectionate or romantic as you’d like him to be. 

While it’s essential to remember that people express love in different ways, if you’re craving more affection and romance in your marriage, there are steps you can take to improve the situation. 

In this article, we will explore 13 things you can do if your husband is not affectionate or romantic.

13 Things to Do If Your Husband Is Not Affectionate or Romantic

If your husband is not as affectionate or romantic as you desire, it’s crucial to address the issue openly and honestly. Remember, every relationship is unique, and it’s important to find a balance that works for both partners.

1. Find common ground:

One way to foster affection and romance in your relationship is by discovering shared interests or activities that both you and your husband enjoy. Finding common ground allows you to spend quality time together and create opportunities for bonding and intimacy. Start by exploring your individual interests and hobbies, and identify areas where your preferences overlap. It could be anything from cooking together, going for walks, watching movies, or engaging in a sport or hobby you both enjoy.

By participating in activities that you both find enjoyable, you create a positive and relaxed environment that encourages emotional connection and shared experiences. This shared time together can lead to deeper conversations, laughter, and the opportunity to build new memories. As you engage in these activities, pay attention to the moments of connection and intimacy that naturally arise, and cherish those moments.

2. Create a romantic atmosphere:

Setting a romantic ambiance can significantly enhance the affection and romance in your relationship. Transform your home into a haven of romance by creating an inviting and intimate atmosphere. Light candles, dim the lights, and play soft, soothing music to create a calming and romantic environment. Consider investing in scented candles or essential oils to further stimulate the senses and create a cozy atmosphere.

Additionally, put effort into preparing a special meal or dessert that you both can enjoy together. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; even a simple home-cooked dinner can be incredibly romantic. Consider setting a beautifully decorated table, using your best dinnerware, and perhaps even dressing up for the occasion. The idea is to create an atmosphere that encourages intimacy and fosters a sense of closeness between you and your husband.

3. Plan date nights:

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to let romance take a back seat. To reignite the spark and prioritize your relationship, take the initiative to plan regular date nights or outings with your husband. Designate a specific day or evening each week or month to spend quality time together without distractions.

When planning a date night, consider activities that you both enjoy and that promote connection and romance. It could be going out for a romantic dinner, watching a movie, taking a walk in a scenic park, or even planning a weekend getaway. The key is to create an environment that allows you to focus solely on each other and strengthen your emotional bond. Use this time to communicate, laugh, and rediscover the reasons why you fell in love in the first place.

4. Surprise him:

Occasional surprises can inject an extra dose of excitement and affection into your relationship. Surprise your husband with thoughtful gestures that show your love and appreciation. It could be as simple as leaving a love note in his briefcase or on his pillow, planning a surprise date or outing, or preparing his favorite meal.

Thoughtful surprises remind your husband that you are thinking of him and are willing to go the extra mile to make him feel loved. These unexpected displays of affection can be refreshing and rekindle the romance in your relationship. Remember, it’s not about the grand gestures, but rather the thought and effort put into surprising him and making him feel special.

As you surprise him, pay attention to his reactions and take note of the gestures or surprises that resonate with him the most. This will help you understand his preferences and tailor future surprises to his specific tastes and desires.

5. Explore love languages:

Understanding and exploring love languages can significantly improve the level of affection and romance in your relationship. Love languages are different ways in which individuals express and perceive love. The five primary love languages are acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. Each person has a unique combination of these love languages that resonate with them.

By identifying your own love language and understanding your husband’s love language, you can better meet each other’s needs and strengthen the emotional connection between you. Take the time to learn about each love language and discuss them with your husband. Share how you feel loved and valued through specific actions or expressions of love. Similarly, encourage your husband to express his preferences and explain what makes him feel loved and appreciated.

Once you have a better understanding of each other’s love languages, make a conscious effort to incorporate them into your daily interactions. For example, if your husband’s love language is acts of service, you can show your love by helping with household chores or running errands together. If his love language is physical touch, prioritize moments of affection like hugging, holding hands, or cuddling. By aligning your actions with your husband’s love language, you can bridge the gap and create a more affectionate and romantic bond.

6. Seek professional help:

If you have tried various approaches to improve the level of affection and romance in your relationship but still face challenges, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Couples’ therapy or counseling can provide a safe and supportive environment where you and your husband can explore deeper issues and receive guidance from an experienced professional.

A couples’ therapist can offer valuable insights into the dynamics of your relationship and help you communicate more effectively. They can facilitate discussions around affection and romance, provide tools and techniques for enhancing intimacy, and guide you through any underlying emotional or psychological barriers that may be hindering your connection.

Therapy also provides an opportunity for both you and your husband to express your concerns, emotions, and desires in a structured and neutral setting. The therapist can help you develop strategies and set goals to work towards a more fulfilling and affectionate relationship.

7. Prioritize self-care:

Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is crucial when working on improving the level of affection and romance in your relationship. When you prioritize self-care, you enhance your overall well-being and radiate positive energy that can positively impact your relationship.

Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Find hobbies or interests that make you feel alive and rejuvenated. Take time for self-reflection and introspection to understand your own needs, desires, and boundaries. Nurture your physical health through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest. Emotionally, practice self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love.

By taking care of yourself, you become more emotionally resilient, which in turn enables you to approach your relationship with a healthy and balanced mindset. Your own happiness and fulfillment contribute to the overall happiness and health of the relationship.

8. Set realistic expectations:

It’s essential to have realistic expectations regarding your husband’s capacity for affection and romance. Remember that change takes time, and individuals have their own unique ways of expressing love. While it’s reasonable to desire more affection and romance in your relationship, understand that your husband may need time to adjust and grow in this area.

Open and honest communication is key when setting expectations. Share your desires and hopes with your husband, but also be willing to listen to his perspective. Avoid putting undue pressure on him or expecting overnight changes. Instead, focus on progress and small steps towards a more affectionate and romantic relationship.

9. Evaluate the relationship:

Reflecting on the overall quality of your marriage is essential when addressing the lack of affection and romance. Consider whether the absence of these aspects is a recurring pattern or a temporary phase. Assess if the lack of affection and romance is a deal-breaker for you and whether you and your husband are both willing to work on improving your relationship.

Evaluate other aspects of your relationship, such as emotional intimacy, communication, shared values, and overall compatibility. Consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor to gain clarity and insight into the underlying dynamics of your relationship.

10. Communicate openly:

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and thriving relationship. When you’re feeling that your husband is not as affectionate or romantic as you desire, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation about your needs and desires. Find a time when both of you are in a relaxed and receptive state, ensuring that you have each other’s undivided attention.

During this conversation, express your feelings in a non-confrontational manner. Clearly communicate to your husband how important affection and romance are to you and how they contribute to your overall happiness. Avoid placing blame or criticizing him, as this may make him defensive and hinder productive communication. Instead, focus on expressing your own emotions and needs, using “I” statements to convey your feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You never show me affection,” you could say, “I feel loved and cherished when we have moments of affection and romance.”

11. Understand his perspective:

While it may be disheartening that your husband is not as affectionate or romantic as you’d like, it’s important to understand that people have different ways of expressing love. He may have a different love language or may not be fully aware of your specific needs in this area. Take the time to genuinely listen to his perspective and try to empathize with his point of view.

Some individuals may have grown up in families or cultures that were less outwardly affectionate, and they may not naturally express love in the same way you do. Additionally, your husband may be showing love and affection in ways that you might not be recognizing. For example, he may express his love through acts of service, such as taking care of household chores or providing for the family. By understanding his perspective, you can begin to bridge the gap and find a middle ground that works for both of you.

12. Lead by example:

Sometimes, the best way to encourage your husband to be more affectionate and romantic is by leading by example. Be the change you want to see in your relationship and show your husband how important these gestures are by initiating them yourself. Take the initiative to plan romantic outings, surprise him with small gestures of love and appreciation, and openly express your affection for him.

By demonstrating your own affection and romance, you create a safe and encouraging space for your husband to reciprocate. He may need time to adjust and understand the impact of these gestures on your relationship. Through consistent effort, you can inspire him to become more affectionate and romantic.

13. Express appreciation:

In any relationship, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the efforts made by your partner. Even if your husband’s expressions of affection and romance are not as frequent or elaborate as you desire, make an effort to recognize and appreciate any gestures he does make. This positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator for him to continue and even increase his efforts.

When your husband does show affection or engages in romantic gestures, express genuine gratitude and appreciation. Let him know how much it means to you and how it makes you feel loved and valued. This positive feedback will encourage him to make more of an effort in the future. Additionally, it’s essential to provide specific feedback about the actions or behaviors you appreciate. For example, you could say, “I loved it when you held my hand during our walk yesterday. It made me feel so connected to you.”

Why is my husband not so romantic?

There could be various reasons why your husband may not be as romantic as you desire. Some possible factors include:

  • Different love languages: Your husband may have a different love language or preferred way of expressing affection. It’s important to understand that not everyone expresses love in the same way, and he may be showing love through actions or behaviors that you might not recognize as romantic.
  • Upbringing and cultural influences: Family dynamics, cultural background, and societal norms can shape one’s understanding and expression of romance. If your husband grew up in an environment where romance was not emphasized, it may impact his ability to be romantic.
  • Personal experiences: Past experiences, such as previous relationships or emotional wounds, can impact one’s ability to be affectionate and romantic. If your husband has had negative experiences in the past, he may be more guarded or hesitant to show vulnerability.
  • Personality traits: Some individuals naturally have a lower inclination towards romantic gestures or may have personality traits that make it more challenging for them to express affection openly. This does not mean they don’t love you; they simply have a different way of demonstrating it.
  • Stress or life circumstances: External factors like work stress, financial pressures, or other life circumstances can temporarily impact someone’s ability to be romantic. It’s important to consider the broader context and communicate openly about any challenges he may be facing.

Understanding the underlying reasons behind your husband’s lack of romance can help you approach the situation with empathy and find ways to improve the level of affection in your relationship.

Can a man love you and not be affectionate?

Yes, it is possible for a man to love you deeply and not express affection in the same way you desire. Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion, and different individuals have their own unique ways of experiencing and expressing it.

People have different love languages and may express their affection through various means. While physical touch or verbal expressions of love may come naturally to some, others may express their love through acts of service, quality time, or other forms of non-romantic gestures.

It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your needs and expectations. By understanding each other’s love languages and finding ways to meet each other’s needs, you can create a more fulfilling and balanced dynamic in your relationship.

Can a marriage last without affection?

It is possible for a marriage to endure without a high level of affection, but it can be challenging and may lead to various difficulties within the relationship.

Affection is a vital component of emotional intimacy and connection between partners. It helps foster a sense of closeness, validation, and love. Without regular displays of affection, a marriage may lack the emotional depth and fulfillment that many couples seek.

A lack of affection can lead to feelings of emotional disconnection, loneliness, and dissatisfaction. It may also create a sense of unmet needs, leaving one or both partners feeling unloved or undervalued. Over time, this can strain the bond between spouses and erode the foundation of the relationship.

However, it’s important to note that affection can be expressed and perceived differently by individuals. Some people may show affection through physical touch, while others may prefer acts of service, quality time, or words of affirmation. Understanding each other’s preferred love languages and finding ways to meet each other’s needs can help mitigate the challenges of a less affectionate marriage.

If a marriage lacks affection, it is crucial for both partners to address the issue openly and honestly. Communication is key in expressing one’s desires and working towards a solution. Seeking professional help from a couples’ therapist can provide guidance and strategies for enhancing emotional connection and intimacy.

Ultimately, whether a marriage can last without affection depends on the willingness of both partners to address the issue, make necessary changes, and invest effort in nurturing the emotional bond between them. It requires ongoing commitment, understanding, and a shared desire to create a more fulfilling and affectionate relationship.


In the journey of love and marriage, affection and romance are the threads that weave a deeper connection between partners. While it can be disheartening when a husband is not as affectionate or romantic as desired, it’s important to approach the situation with compassion and understanding. By communicating openly, leading by example, and finding common ground, you can nurture a more affectionate and romantic bond. 

Remember, love is a continuous effort, and by investing in your relationship, you can create a love story filled with warmth, tenderness, and enduring romance.