12 things to do if abusive wife beat you up regularly

things to do if abusive wife beat you up

Domestic violence can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender. 

While it is often perceived that men are the sole perpetrators of abuse, the reality is that some men may find themselves facing abusive behavior from their wives. It is essential to remember that no one deserves to endure violence or harm, and seeking help is crucial to breaking free from an abusive situation. 

This article outlines twelve important steps for men to take if they are regularly subjected to abuse from their wives.

12 Things To Do If Abusive Wife Beat You Up Regularly

Facing abuse from an intimate partner is an incredibly challenging and distressing situation. Remember that you are not alone, and here are the 12 things you can do if your wife beat you up regularly.

By taking these essential steps, you can begin your journey towards healing and rebuilding your life

1. Recognizing the Abuse:

Recognizing and acknowledging that you are experiencing abuse is a crucial and often difficult first step in addressing and resolving the issue. In many cases, individuals may be in denial about the abuse they are facing, or they may not fully grasp the gravity of the situation. This lack of recognition can be due to various reasons, including feelings of shame, guilt, fear of reprisal, or emotional manipulation by the abusive partner.

It is essential to understand that abuse can take on various forms, each of which can be equally damaging to the victim’s physical and emotional well-being. Physical abuse involves acts of violence, such as hitting, slapping, punching, or causing bodily harm. Emotional abuse revolves around manipulating emotions, belittling, demeaning, or constantly criticizing the victim, leading to long-term psychological harm. Verbal abuse entails the use of harmful language, name-calling, insults, and threats. Financial abuse occurs when the abuser controls the victim’s finances, leaving them financially dependent and vulnerable.

Recognizing the signs of abuse can be complex, as the abusive partner often employs tactics to maintain control and power over the victim. Some warning signs include frequent arguments, excessive jealousy, possessiveness, isolation from friends and family, and a pattern of apologies followed by escalating abuse.

Moreover, societal stereotypes and gender norms may make it even more challenging for men to recognize that they are experiencing abuse from their female partners. Men may fear that seeking help or admitting to being abused could lead to ridicule or judgment, causing them to endure the abuse silently.

2. Prioritizing Your Safety:

Once you have recognized the abuse, it becomes imperative to prioritize your safety. Your well-being is paramount, and if you find yourself in immediate danger, it is crucial to remove yourself from the abusive situation as quickly and safely as possible. This may involve leaving the home and seeking refuge at a friend’s or family member’s house or contacting a local shelter that specializes in supporting domestic violence victims.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous times for the victim, as the abuser may escalate their actions to maintain control. Therefore, it is essential to have a safety plan in place before taking any action. This plan might include memorizing important phone numbers, keeping a bag with essential items ready to go, and having a safe place to retreat to in emergencies.

3. Seeking Professional Help:

Reaching out for professional help is a significant and courageous step in breaking free from the cycle of abuse. There are numerous resources available to support victims of domestic violence, including counselors, therapists, and support groups that specialize in this area. These professionals are trained to understand the complexities of abusive relationships and can provide non-judgmental support, guidance, and valuable resources.

Speaking with a counselor or therapist can help you process your emotions, regain self-esteem, and develop coping strategies to navigate the challenges of leaving an abusive relationship. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your feelings, fears, and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.

Support groups are another beneficial resource as they provide a sense of community and understanding. By participating in a support group for survivors of abuse, you can share your experiences, learn from others who have faced similar challenges, and receive encouragement and validation for your feelings.

4. Documenting the Abuse:

Keeping a detailed record of each abusive incident is a crucial step, especially if you plan to seek legal protection or support in the future. By documenting the abuse, you create a tangible record that can serve as evidence in legal proceedings, such as obtaining a restraining order or seeking custody of children.

When documenting the abuse, note down the date, time, and nature of each incident. Include any relevant details or witnesses, if possible. This documentation can help in breaking through any self-doubt or denial about the seriousness of the situation and provide clarity about the severity and frequency of the abuse.

Additionally, documenting the abuse can be essential for your own healing process. Reading through the records can help you realize the pattern of abuse and recognize that you deserve a life free from violence and harm.

5. Share with Trusted Individuals:

Sharing your experience with close friends or family members whom you can trust is a significant step in breaking the isolation and silence often associated with abuse. For many victims of abuse, keeping the pain and suffering hidden can intensify emotional distress and feelings of helplessness. By opening up to someone you trust, you create a support network that can offer understanding, empathy, and emotional validation.

Trusted individuals can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and fears without judgment. They may offer valuable insights, perspective, and encouragement to take further steps in seeking help and making positive changes in your life. Remember that breaking the silence is not a sign of weakness but an act of strength and courage.

6. Explore Legal Protections:

Understanding the legal protections available to male victims of domestic violence is essential for safeguarding your rights and well-being. Researching local laws and regulations concerning domestic violence can empower you with knowledge about what constitutes abuse and the legal options available to you.

If you believe that legal intervention is necessary for your safety, consider obtaining a restraining order. A restraining order is a legal document that prohibits the abusive spouse from contacting or approaching you. Additionally, seeking legal counsel from a knowledgeable attorney who specializes in domestic violence cases can provide guidance on navigating the legal process and protecting yourself legally.

7. Develop an Exit Plan:

Leaving an abusive relationship is a complex and potentially dangerous process. If you have reached the conclusion that leaving is the best course of action, developing a well-thought-out exit plan is crucial for your safety and well-being. An exit plan involves careful consideration and preparation for leaving the abusive environment.

Start by identifying a safe place to stay, such as with a friend, family member, or in a domestic violence shelter. Gather essential documents, including identification, financial records, and legal papers, and keep them in a secure location accessible only to you. Secure financial resources to ensure you can support yourself during the transition period.

Remember that leaving an abusive relationship may not be a linear process, and it’s okay to seek support and guidance from professionals who can help you with safety planning and resources.

8. Contact Domestic Violence Helplines:

Various organizations and helplines are dedicated to supporting male victims of domestic violence. These helplines provide confidential and non-judgmental support, information, and resources to help you navigate through the challenges you may be facing.

When reaching out to a domestic violence helpline, you can discuss your situation, ask questions, and seek guidance on safety planning, legal protections, and available support services. Speaking with someone who understands the unique challenges faced by male victims can be incredibly empowering and reassuring.

9. Attend Support Groups:

Participating in support groups for male survivors of abuse can offer a sense of camaraderie and understanding. Survivors in these groups share experiences, challenges, and coping strategies, creating a supportive environment for healing and growth.

Support groups can help you break the isolation often experienced in abusive relationships, as you connect with others who have been through similar situations. The emotional support and validation from fellow survivors can be transformative in your journey towards healing and recovery.

10. Engage in Self-Care:

Prioritizing self-care is crucial in healing from the emotional trauma of abuse. Abuse can take a toll on your emotional, physical, and mental well-being, and practicing self-care is a way to nurture yourself during this difficult time.

Engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as hobbies, sports, or spending time with loved ones, can help you reconnect with positive aspects of life. Consider incorporating relaxation techniques, such as meditation or mindfulness, to reduce stress and anxiety. Additionally, individual therapy with a qualified mental health professional can offer a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

11. Educate Yourself:

Educating yourself about the dynamics of abusive relationships can empower you to break free from the cycle of abuse. Learning about the patterns and signs of abuse can help you recognize harmful behaviors and understand that the abuse is not your fault.

Read books, articles, and resources on domestic violence to gain insight into the complexities of abusive relationships. Education can also help you identify the resources available to support male survivors and make informed decisions about your well-being.

12. Reach Out to Domestic Violence Organizations:

Numerous organizations are dedicated to supporting male survivors of domestic violence. These organizations offer various services, including counseling, support groups, legal assistance, and housing resources.

Seeking out the support of these organizations can provide the guidance and resources needed to navigate your way towards safety and healing. Reaching out for help is a powerful step towards breaking free from the cycle of abuse and reclaiming control over your life.

Can I seek help even if the abuse is not physical but emotional and psychological?

Yes, absolutely. Abuse comes in various forms, and emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If your spouse is manipulating, belittling, threatening, or constantly undermining your self-esteem, it is essential to recognize these behaviors as abuse and seek help. Emotional and psychological abuse can have long-lasting effects on your mental well-being, and seeking support from professionals or support groups specializing in domestic violence can be crucial in addressing these issues.

What if I fear retaliation or escalating abuse if I reach out for help?

Fear of retaliation is a common concern for victims of domestic violence. Leaving an abusive relationship or seeking help can trigger an escalation of abusive behaviors from the perpetrator. If you are afraid for your safety, it is vital to develop a safety plan before taking any action. 

This plan might involve reaching out to a domestic violence helpline or support organization that can guide you on the best course of action. Additionally, consider confiding in trusted individuals who can provide emotional support and potentially help with your safety plan.

Is couple’s counseling a viable option to address abusive behavior in the relationship?

Couples counseling is generally not recommended in cases of abusive relationships. Abusers often use counseling as a way to further manipulate and control their partners. In such situations, it is crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being first. Individual counseling or therapy is a more appropriate option for the victim to address the emotional trauma and learn coping strategies. 

If the abusive partner is willing to change and seek help on their own, they should attend counseling separately, focusing on their own accountability and personal growth. However, safety concerns should always be the top priority, and it is essential to consult with a professional who specializes in domestic violence before considering any form of couple’s counseling.

Remember, seeking help and support is an important step in breaking free from the cycle of abuse and rebuilding your life. There are resources available to assist you on this journey, and you are not alone in facing these challenges. Reach out to professionals, support organizations, or trusted individuals who can offer guidance, validation, and a safe space for healing and recovery.


If you are facing abuse from your wife, remember that you are not alone, and help is available. Recognizing the abuse, prioritizing your safety, seeking professional help, and building a support network are essential steps in breaking free from the cycle of abuse.

Take the first step by acknowledging the reality of the situation and reaching out to trusted individuals or professionals who can offer guidance and support. Your well-being is paramount, and you deserve to live a life free from violence and fear.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are resources and people who care about your safety and well-being. You have the power to create positive change in your life and move towards healing and recovery. Take that first step today and reclaim your life from abuse.