Are you constantly feeling overlooked, undervalued, and underappreciated in your marriage? Does your husband seem to prioritize his own needs and desires over yours, even at the expense of the relationship? If so, you may be dealing with a selfish partner.
In this article, we will delve into the common signs of a selfish husband, the impact it can have on the relationship, and effective strategies for dealing with this challenging issue.
By recognizing the signs and learning how to handle a selfish partner, you can take steps to improve your relationship and create a more fulfilling, balanced marriage.
23 signs of a selfish husband
A selfish husband can be a significant source of stress and strain on a marriage. Identifying the signs of selfish behavior is the first step in understanding the dynamic and taking action to address the issue.
In this section, we will explore 23 common signs of a selfish husband, from neglecting your emotional needs to controlling your daily routine.
1) Putting his own needs before yours.
One of the most common signs of a selfish husband is that he consistently prioritizes his own needs and desires over those of his partner. This can manifest in a variety of ways, from making decisions without considering your feelings to neglecting your emotional or physical needs.
For example, he may choose to spend money on his hobbies or interests instead of jointly agreed upon expenses, or may frequently cancel plans or ignore your preferences to pursue his own goals.
In essence, the selfish husband is more focused on his comfort, pleasure, and satisfaction than he is on maintaining a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship. This can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and frustration in his partner, who may feel that their own needs and contributions are not valued or respected.
2) Being dismissive of your emotions and feelings.
A selfish husband may also display a dismissive attitude toward his partner’s emotions and feelings. This can take various forms, such as ignoring or trivializing your concerns, belittling your feelings, or outright dismissing them altogether.
For example, if you express your worries or frustrations about a particular issue in your relationship, your husband may brush it off or tell you that you’re overreacting. Alternatively, he may try to turn the conversation around to focus on his concerns or feelings, rather than addressing your needs or concerns.
This dismissive behavior can make you feel undervalued, unimportant, and unheard in the relationship. Over time, it can erode the trust and intimacy that are essential to a healthy marriage.
3) Doesn’t listen to you or take your opinions into account.
A selfish husband may also demonstrate a lack of interest in his partner’s thoughts, opinions, and ideas. He may not actively listen when you speak or may dismiss your opinions without giving them serious consideration.
For example, when making decisions about important issues in the relationship, he may make unilateral decisions without asking for your input or taking your feelings into account. He may also interrupt you or talk over you, which can be both frustrating and disrespectful.
This kind of behavior can leave you feeling unimportant, unsupported, and unappreciated in the marriage.
4) Doesn’t give you credit for your contributions to the marriage.
Another sign of a selfish husband is he fails to acknowledge or appreciate your contributions to the relationship. This can take various forms, such as failing to recognize your hard work and effort in managing household responsibilities or neglecting to express gratitude for the support and care you provide.
For example, if you take on the majority of the household chores or child-rearing responsibilities, your husband may not express appreciation for your efforts or acknowledge the importance of your contributions to the marriage. Alternatively, he may take credit for your accomplishments or efforts, without recognizing your role in them.
5) Quick to anger or defensiveness.
A selfish husband may also be quick to anger or become defensive when confronted about his behavior or asked to make changes in the relationship. He may feel threatened by any criticism or suggestion that he is not living up to his responsibilities, which can lead to anger, defensiveness, or even aggression.
For example, if you express your concerns about a particular behavior or issue in the relationship, your husband may become defensive or try to shift the blame onto you. Alternatively, he may become angry or lash out in response to feedback or criticism, rather than trying to listen and address the issue.
6) Being critical and judgmental of you.
Being overly critical and judgmental is also a sign of a selfish husband because he is being inconsiderate of your feelings, emotions, and mental well-being. He may frequently point out your flaws or criticize your behavior and may be quick to judge you for your mistakes or shortcomings.
For example, he may make negative comments about your appearance, your intelligence, or your abilities, or may nitpick over minor issues or mistakes. He may also use criticism as a way to undermine your self-confidence or control your behavior.
This can be very damaging to the relationship, as it creates an atmosphere of negativity and hostility. It can make you feel unimportant, unsupported, and unloved, and can lead to a breakdown in trust and intimacy over time.
7) He is controlling and manipulative.
It is a dangerous sign of a selfish husband if he is exhibiting controlling and manipulative behavior in the relationship. He may use various tactics to control your behavior, limit your independence, or force you to comply with his wishes.
For example, he may try to limit your contact with friends or family members, control your finances, or dictate your schedule and activities. He may also use manipulative tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail to get his way or undermine your confidence and sense of self-worth.
This can leave you feeling trapped, powerless, and isolated. It can also escalate over time, leading to more extreme forms of abuse such as physical or sexual violence. Thus, if you are experiencing this, you have to seek third-party support quickly to correct it or to get out of it.
8) Doesn’t support your personal goals or interests.
A selfish husband may fail to support or encourage your personal goals or interests, which can be a sign of self-centeredness and lack of empathy. He may be more focused on his own goals and desires, and may not prioritize his needs or aspirations in the relationship.
For example, if you express a desire to pursue a particular career or hobby, your husband may discourage or belittle your aspirations or may fail to provide the support and encouragement you need to pursue them. Alternatively, he may prioritize his interests or activities and may neglect or dismiss your pursuits.
9) Doesn’t show appreciation for the things you do.
A selfish husband may fail to show appreciation for the things you do, which can be a clear sign of self-centeredness and lack of gratitude. He may take your contributions for granted, and may not acknowledge or thank you for the things you do to support him or the family.
For example, he may not express gratitude for the meals you cook, the cleaning you do, or the work you do to support the family. He may also fail to recognize your efforts to create a happy and fulfilling home life or to meet his emotional needs and desires.
10) Prioritizes his hobbies and interests over quality time with you.
A selfish husband will often prioritize his hobbies and interests over spending quality time with you, which can be a clear sign of self-centeredness and lack of consideration for your needs and desires. He may spend most of his free time pursuing his activities or hobbies, and may not make an effort to spend time with you or engage in activities that you both enjoy.
For example, he may choose to spend his evenings playing video games or watching TV instead of spending time with you or may choose to go out with friends instead of spending time with you on weekends. He may also be unwilling to compromise or make changes to his schedule to accommodate your needs or desires.
This kind of behavior can be hurtful and damaging to the relationship, as it can lead to feelings of neglect, loneliness, and disconnection.
11) Doesn’t contribute equally to household responsibilities.
Another sign of a selfish husband is he does not contribute equally to household responsibilities, which can be a clear sign of self-centeredness and a lack of consideration for your needs and well-being. He may leave most of the household chores and responsibilities to you while prioritizing his interests and activities.
For example, he may not help with cooking, cleaning, or other household chores, or may not contribute equally to child care or other family responsibilities. He may also not be willing to take on additional responsibilities or help out when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
He is not aware or understands that a healthy and fulfilling relationship should involve a shared responsibility for household chores and responsibilities, as well as a willingness to support each other and work together to maintain a happy and fulfilling home life.
12) Makes major decisions without consulting you.
A selfish husband may make major decisions without consulting you, which can be a clear sign of self-centeredness and a lack of respect for your opinions and needs. He may take unilateral decisions about important issues such as finances, career, or family matters, without considering your input or seeking your agreement.
For example, he may make a significant financial investment without consulting you or may decide to change jobs or move without discussing it with you first. He may also make decisions about parenting or family matters without considering your perspective or taking your input into account.
This can ultimately lead to feelings of betrayal, disrespect, and disconnection.
13) Doesn’t compromise or seek mutually beneficial solutions.
Your husband is considered selfish if he never compromises or seeks mutually beneficial solutions when there is a disagreement. He may be unwilling to find a middle ground or make concessions that would benefit both partners and may prioritize his interests and desires over yours.
For example, he may not be willing to compromise on household chores, financial decisions, or other important issues, and may not be open to finding solutions that would benefit both partners. He may also be unwilling to change his behavior or make adjustments to his lifestyle to accommodate his needs and desires.
14) Doesn’t show affection or intimacy unless he wants something in return.
Another selfish husband sign is he only shows physical affection or intimacy when he wants something from you, such as attention, or emotional support, and may not make an effort to connect with you or show affection without ulterior motives.
For example, he may only hug you or kiss you when he wants sex, or may only express love and affection when he wants you to do something for him. He may not be willing to engage in physical intimacy or emotional connection for its own sake, and may not be interested in meeting your emotional or physical needs without getting something in return.
15) He frequently cancels plans or changes them without regard for his schedule.
A husband who frequently cancels plans or changes them without regard for your schedule can be considered selfish. This behavior may indicate that he prioritizes his own needs and desires over yours and does not consider the impact of his actions on your time and well-being.
This behavior can leave you feeling disregarded and frustrated, as your schedule and needs are not being respected. It can also damage the trust and respect in the relationship, leading to feelings of disconnection and resentment.
A healthy and fulfilling relationship should be built on mutual respect, open communication, and consideration of each other’s needs and schedules. Both partners should work together to make plans and schedule activities that work for both of them.
16) Blames you for problems in the marriage.
A sign of a selfish husband is when he blames you for problems in the marriage, which can be indicative of a lack of accountability and a refusal to take responsibility for his actions. This kind of behavior can be hurtful and damaging to the relationship, as it can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment on your part, and can create a power imbalance in the relationship.
Rather than acknowledging his role in the problems in the marriage, a selfish husband may deflect blame onto you, making you feel like you are solely responsible for the issues in the relationship. He may also use this as a way to manipulate you or exert control over the relationship, as he may feel that he can use blame and guilt to get his way or avoid taking responsibility for his actions.
17) Takes advantage of your kindness or generosity.
When a husband takes advantage of your kindness or generosity, it can be a sign of selfishness and a lack of consideration for your feelings and needs. This behavior may involve exploiting your willingness to help, disregarding your boundaries and limits, or taking advantage of your giving nature for personal gain.
For instance, a selfish husband may frequently ask for favors or help, without considering whether it is an imposition on your time or resources. He may take advantage of your willingness to give, without showing any appreciation or reciprocity. Over time, this can lead to feelings of exhaustion and resentment on your part, as your own needs and boundaries are not being respected.
18) Doesn’t respect your boundaries.
A husband who doesn’t respect your boundaries is showing a lack of consideration for your personal limits, preferences, and values. This behavior is selfish and can manifest in many different ways, including ignoring your wishes, disregarding your privacy, or insisting on having things his way.
For example, a selfish husband may invade your personal space without permission, read your private messages, or insist on doing things that you have explicitly stated make you uncomfortable. He may also pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do or dismiss your concerns and feelings as unimportant.
When a husband fails to respect your boundaries, it can make you feel disrespected, violated, and unheard. It can also create a power imbalance in the relationship, as he may feel that he can control and manipulate you if he ignores your boundaries.
19) Gaslights or manipulates you to get his way.
Gaslighting and manipulation are tactics used by a selfish husband to control and dominate you by making you doubt your perceptions and reality. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the abuser makes the victim question their sanity, memories, and beliefs. Manipulation, on the other hand, involves using deceitful or underhanded methods to influence or control someone’s behavior.
For instance, a selfish husband might gaslight you by denying that he said or did something, or by making you believe that your feelings or perceptions are irrational or exaggerated. He might also use manipulation to get his way by using guilt, threats, or other forms of emotional manipulation.
When a husband resorts to gaslighting or manipulation, it can be extremely harmful to her emotional well-being and can erode her self-esteem and confidence. It can also make you feel powerless and trapped in the relationship.
20) Neglects your needs and wants in the bedroom.
If your husband is neglecting your needs and wants in the bedroom, it can be a sign of selfish behavior. A healthy sexual relationship requires both partners to be considerate of each other’s desires and needs.
For instance, a selfish husband might only focus on his pleasure during sex, without considering your needs or desires. He might also refuse to engage in activities that you find pleasurable or disregard your sexual boundaries and preferences.
21) Doesn’t show up for important events in your life.
If your husband consistently fails to attend important events in your life, it may be a sign of selfishness. A loving and supportive relationship involves both partners showing up for each other during significant milestones and occasions.
For example, your husband may prioritize his plans or interests over your important events, such as a family wedding, a job promotion ceremony, or an important doctor’s appointment. He may also fail to appreciate the significance of these occasions or brush off their importance to you.
22) Doesn’t take responsibility for his actions or apologize when he’s wrong.
In a healthy relationship, partners need to take responsibility for their actions and apologize when they’re wrong. However, a selfish husband may display a lack of accountability and avoid admitting his mistakes.
For instance, when he’s wrong or makes a mistake, he might blame others or make excuses instead of taking responsibility. He might also refuse to apologize, deny the impact of his actions, or shift the blame onto his partner. This behavior can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment, as well as erode the trust and emotional safety in the relationship.
A loving and respectful relationship requires both partners to take ownership of their actions and make amends when necessary. This involves acknowledging their mistakes, apologizing sincerely, and making an effort to change their behavior. When a husband fails to take responsibility or apologize, it can create a power imbalance and harm the emotional connection between partners.
23) He makes important financial decisions without your input.
Financial decisions are a significant aspect of any marriage, and both partners need to be involved in the decision-making process. However, a selfish husband may choose to make important financial decisions without consulting his partner, which can be a red flag.
For example, he might make a large purchase, such as a new car or a house, without discussing it with you first. He might also hide his spending habits or fail to disclose his debts, which can have a significant impact on the financial stability of the household. This behavior can lead to financial stress and conflicts, as well as feelings of resentment and mistrust.
How do you deal with a selfish husband?
Dealing with a selfish husband can be challenging, but there are some strategies you can use to improve the situation.
First and foremost, communication is key. It’s important to express your feelings and concerns to your husband. Be honest, but also be respectful and calm. Try to avoid using accusatory language or attacking your husband’s character. Instead, focus on specific behaviors and how they make you feel. This can help your husband better understand the impact of his actions.
Another important step is setting boundaries. It’s crucial to communicate what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not. This can include saying “no” to unreasonable demands or expectations. Make it clear that you value your own needs and that you won’t tolerate being treated unfairly or disrespectfully.
Practicing self-care is also important. When dealing with a selfish husband, it’s easy to put all of your energy and attention into the relationship. However, it’s essential to take care of yourself as well. This can include engaging in activities that you enjoy, seeking out supportive friendships, and prioritizing your physical and emotional well-being.
Seeking support can be incredibly helpful, too. It’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you and who can provide emotional support. This can include friends, family, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you process your feelings and work through any challenges that may arise.
Finally, consider couples therapy. If your husband is willing to attend therapy with you, it can be a great way to work through issues and improve communication. A therapist can provide a neutral space where both you and your husband can share your perspectives and work together to find solutions. Additionally, a therapist can provide tools and strategies for addressing conflict and building a healthier relationship.
How to communicate your feelings to your selfish husband
Communicating your feelings to a selfish husband can be a challenging task, but it is essential for creating a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively:
- Use “I” statements: Start your sentences with “I feel” rather than “You make me feel.” This approach is less likely to put your husband on the defensive and is more conducive to open and honest communication.
- Be specific: Describe your feelings in detail and be specific about the actions or behaviors that are causing them. This will help your husband understand the impact of his actions on you.
- Listen actively: When your husband responds, make sure to actively listen and allow him to express his feelings and perspectives. Avoid interrupting or dismissing his thoughts, even if you disagree with them.
- Be patient: Changing behavior takes time, and it may take some time for your husband to understand and acknowledge the impact of his actions on you. Be patient and persistent in your communication and try to approach the situation with empathy and understanding.
- Seek professional help: If you are having difficulty communicating with your husband or if the issues in your relationship are more complex, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A trained professional can help facilitate communication and provide tools and techniques to help you navigate your relationship in a more positive and productive way.
Communication Conversation Examples
Here are a few examples of conversations that can help communicate your feelings to your selfish husband, so that he can be aware of his behavior and take initiative to change.
- “I feel like I’m not being heard when I express my opinions or feelings about things. It’s really important to me that we work as a team and take each other’s perspectives into account. Can we make an effort to listen to each other more?”
- “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with the household responsibilities lately. I could really use some help with [specific tasks]. Can we sit down and make a plan to divide things up more evenly?”
- “I feel like we haven’t been spending quality time together lately. It’s really important to me that we make time for each other and our relationship. Can we plan a date night this week?”
- “I feel like you don’t appreciate the things I do for our family and our home. It’s really hurtful to me when I feel like my efforts go unnoticed. Can we make an effort to show more appreciation for each other?”
- “I feel like we haven’t been intimate as much as we used to be. It’s really important to me that we have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Can we talk about how we can work on this together?”
Should I leave my selfish husband?
Making the decision to leave a spouse is never easy, and it can be even more difficult when dealing with a selfish partner. Here are a few steps to help you make a decision:
- Evaluate your feelings: Consider your emotional well-being and how your husband’s behavior affects you. Are you happy in the relationship, or do you feel drained and unfulfilled? It’s important to recognize and acknowledge your emotions before making a decision.
- Identify the issues: Make a list of the ways in which your husband is selfish and inconsiderate. This will help you see the situation more clearly and may help you determine if there are specific behaviors that can be addressed or if the relationship is beyond repair.
- Communicate your feelings: If you haven’t already, talk to your husband about how his behavior is affecting you. Be clear and honest about your feelings and what you need from him. This can help determine if he is willing to work on the relationship.
- Seek outside help: If you’re having trouble communicating or making a decision, consider seeking outside help from a therapist or counselor. A neutral third party can help you both work through your issues and help you decide if staying in the relationship is the best decision.
- Consider your options: If you have tried to work through your issues and your husband is unwilling to change or if you feel that your emotional well-being is at stake, leaving the relationship may be the best option. It’s important to consider the financial and practical implications of leaving before making a decision.
Ultimately, the decision to leave a relationship is a personal one that only you can make. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and make the decision that is best for you.