In general, if you’re wondering whether or not you should text him, the answer is probably yes. It’s better to be on the side of being too forward than too shy. If you like him and want to get to know him better, a simple text is a great way to start a conversation.
However, if the situation is different, for example, he left you on read previously, he is your ex, or you can sense that he is pulling away, then it might be better for you to stop texting him.
In this article, I’ve listed down 13 situations when you should text him, and when you shouldn’t. You can follow the advice so you don’t come across as too desperate.
Golden rule: Should you text him?
Some people may think that texting first makes you seem too eager or desperate, but that’s not necessarily true. If you wait for the guy to text first, he may think you’re not interested and move on. So if you like someone and you want to text them, go ahead and send that first message! Chances are, they’ll be happy to hear from you.
If you’re not sure whether or not you should text him, ask yourself this: what is the worst that could happen?
The worst-case scenario is that he doesn’t respond or he says he’s not interested. But even then, you haven’t lost anything by sending a few harmless texts. So why not take the plunge and see where things go?
Yes: cases where you should text him
Here is a list of situations where you should probably text him first:
After the first date – Yes
If you had a great time on your first date, don’t be afraid to let him know. A simple text letting him know that you had a great time and that you’re looking forward to seeing him again is all it takes. You don’t want to come on too strong, but a little bit of flirting never hurt anyone.
If you’re not sure what to say, try something like this: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time last night. Thanks for being such a great date. I can’t wait to see you again soon.”
Sending a text like this shows that you’re interested and confident – two qualities that are always attractive. So go ahead and send that text!
After the second date – Yes
If you had a good time on your first date and want to see the person again, it is totally fine to send a text within 24 hours of getting home. You can be casual and say something like, “I had a great time last night. Thanks for taking me out.” Or you can get straight to the point and say, “I’d like to see you again. When are you free?”
Again, don’t worry about being seen as too desperate. People with high social confidence never worry about that. They just say what they think. If they feel the other person is not interested, then they just happily move on because they know they are not lacking options in life, and they can find better people who can resonate with them.
After no contact for more than a week – Yes
If you haven’t heard from your guy in more than a week, it’s natural to feel a little panicked. Maybe he’s just busy with work or school and hasn’t had time to text you back. But if you’ve been waiting around for days on end with no response, it might be time to take matters into your own hands.
There’s no need to wait around for him to text you first – go ahead and send him a message! If he doesn’t respond, then at least you’ll know that he’s not interested and you can move on. But if he does respond, then it could mean that he was just busy and needed a little nudge from you to get in touch.
If you need to apologize – Yes
When it comes to relationships, an apology can go a long way. If you’ve made a mistake, no matter how big or small, admitting it and apologizing can help to repair the damage and keep your relationship on track.
I would apologize in person because it is more sincere that way. Also, with the right body language and tonality, I can convey my apologies better. However, some people might need some space to cool down first. So, I leave it to you whether or not you want to text first, or you want to meet him in person directly
If you miss him – Yes
If you miss him, it’s okay to text him. It’s probably a good idea. By reaching out to him, you’re letting him know that you’re thinking about him and that you care about him. This can be a great way to stay connected to someone you care about, even if you’re not able to see each other all the time.
Of course, you don’t want to be too clingy or come across as desperate. So it’s important to strike the right balance. A good rule of thumb is to match his replying speed after you initiate the conversation over text.
After a fight – Yes
If it is just a disagreement that causes the fights, then it is fine to text him. Let him know that even though you hold a different perspective, it does not mean that you do not care about him. Emotionally mature people can listen to a different perspective from others even if it contradicts their own.
However, if the fight was because he has done something very wrong to you, for example, cheating, manipulating, or has physically harmed you, then it is best not to text him and let him go.
In conclusion, the rule to text or not depends on the cause of the fight.
If it’s his birthday – Yes
It is perfectly acceptable – and encouraged – to text them happy birthday wishes even if you haven’t seen him in person for a long time.
Do not need to overthink this unless he is your ex. If you have remained a friend all this while then it’s OK to text him. But, if the last conversation you had with him is all about the breakup, then it is best not to text him on his special day, you might ruin it.
If he texted you first – Yes
The answer is simple: if he texts you first, you should text him back.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule (like if you’re not interested in him or if he’s done something to upset you), but generally speaking, if a guy takes the initiative to text you first, you should respond.
If it is a reasonable waking time – Yes
As long as it is not 6 am or 1 am at midnight, it is alright to text him.
There’s no perfect time to text someone, but if you were to choose 1, I would say go after working hours like 6 pm – 9 pm. He would be more relaxed and have the time to text you back.
If this is a new relationship – Yes
If you’re in a new relationship and wondering if you should text him, the answer is most likely yes. In a new relationship, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open so you can get to know each other better.
If you’re not sure what to say, start with something simple like “How was your day?” or “What are you up to today?” Asking questions shows that you’re interested in getting to know him better, and it can help spark conversation.
No: Cases you should not text him
Here is the list of cases where I believe you should avoid texting him.
If you are already in a relationship with someone else – No
If you are already in a relationship with someone else, texting him can be a slippery slope. It may start innocently enough, just shoot him a quick text to say hi or to let him know you’re thinking of him. But before you know it, you’re texting him all the time, and your relationship with your current partner starts to suffer.
You might find yourself staying up late into the night texting him when you should be spending that time with your current partner. Or you might start making excuses to your partner about why you need to go out or stay late at work when you’re just trying to see the other guy.
Texting someone else when you’re already in a relationship is a recipe for disaster.
If you have been the one who initiate text every time – No
If you’ve been the one who’s always initiating texts, you might be wondering if you’re doing something wrong. The short answer is: no, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re probably just being friendly and eager to chat.
There are a lot of possible reasons why the other person isn’t texting as much as you are. They could be busy with work or school, or to be very honest, maybe they just aren’t that interested in you.
If they never initiate a conversation before and have been very slow in replying to your text, then you might just want to stop texting them and move on.
If you miss your ex – No
It’s been a few weeks since your breakup and you can’t help but wonder how your ex is doing. You miss them, but you’re not sure if you should reach out. Here are a few things to consider before you decide to text your ex.
First, think about why you want to get back in touch with them. If it’s just because you’re feeling lonely, try reaching out to friends or family instead.
Second, consider how the relationship ended. If it was on good terms, then there’s a chance that they might miss you too and would be open to hearing from you as friends. However, if the breakup was bad, then it’s best to leave things in the past.
The general rule of thumb is not to text your ex, so both of you can move on faster in life.
If you need closure from your ex – No
It’s over. He’s gone. You’re heartbroken, and all you want is some closure. So you text him. But that’s a mistake.
Your ex doesn’t owe you anything – not an explanation, not a conversation, and not closure. If he wanted to give you any of those things, he would have done it before he broke up with you.
Texting your ex will only make you feel worse. It’s like picking at a scab – it might feel good at the moment, but it will only make the healing process take longer. And even if your ex does respond, it’s likely to be something brief and unfulfilling – which just adds insult to injury.
So what should you do if you need closure? Divert your attention to other things, like your passion, talking to friends and family, picking up new physical activities, enlarging your social circle, doing things you have been dreaming to do all this while, etc.
If nothing has changed about your ex – No
It’s been a few months since your breakup and you still can’t get over him. You see his name pop up on your phone, and you can’t help but wonder what he’s up to. Maybe he’s missing you as much as you’re missing him. Maybe he wants to get back together. Maybe, just maybe, if you reach out to him, things will go back to the way they were.
Before you hit send on that text, think about why things didn’t work out in the first place. Has anything changed since then? If not, then chances are good that nothing has changed about your ex. He’s still the same person who couldn’t commit, who wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Texting him will only lead to more heartache.
It may be difficult, but it’s important to respect yourself and move on. So, it’s a no. Put down your phone and do not text him.
If you have already double-texted him – No
Double texting is when you send two texts in quick succession, without waiting for a response to the first. It can come across as desperate or impatient, neither of which are attractive qualities.
If you’ve already double-texted him, take a step back and give him some time to respond. If he doesn’t respond within a reasonable amount of time (a few hours), it could mean he might be away for a full-day event that day. Stop texting him on the same day, then maybe try again after a week or so.
If he is pulling away – No
If someone is losing interest in you, then continuing to text them is only going to push them further away. It is going to make them feel even more suffocated and overwhelmed.
That is why you should not text someone like this anymore. Respect yourself, have faith in yourself that you can find someone better, and move on.
If he is ghosting you – No
If you think you’re being ghosted, you’re probably right. But that doesn’t mean you should text him to find out.
Ghosting is when someone suddenly disappears from your life without any explanation. It’s a cowardly way of ending things, and it’s becoming more and more common. If someone is ghosting you, it’s best to just move on.
Texting him will only give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s gotten under your skin. He doesn’t deserve that. You deserve better than to be ghosted and you deserve better than to be treated like this.
So don’t text him. Delete his number and block him on social media if you have to. Just forget about him and move on with your life.
If you need to talk about where the relationship is headed – No
If you are in a relationship and need to talk about where it is headed, do not have that conversation over text. It is important to have these types of conversations in person so that you can gauge each other’s reactions and body language.
If you are facing this situation, you should just call him out and discuss this face-to-face. If he is not willing to talk about it or see you in person, then you know you have the answer already.
After first sex/ hookup/ one-night-stand – No
If both of you are in a relationship, then sure, you can text him all you want.
However, if it is not, then it is better not to text him first after sex unless you can sense that he has feelings for you too and you want to advance the relationship to the next level. Otherwise, texting him will just make him feel uncomfortable or even creeped out. It could also lead to him feeling like he needs to perform or live up to some expectations, which can be stressful.
If you are not sure if he has feelings for you, it’s best to call him out and have that conversation in person.
How to make sure you don’t come across as desperate
First, don’t be the one who always initiates contact. If you’re constantly texting or calling them, they may start to think you’re needy or clingy. Instead, wait for them to reach out to you first every once in a while. This will show them that you’re not just sitting around waiting for their attention.
Second, hold your urge to reply immediately and focus on your task at hand first. This will make them wonder what you’re up to and keep them on their toes, which can help deepen your connection with them.
Last but not least, you can mimic their reply speed. If they usually take 1 hour to reply to you, then that is the speed for you to reply to them back.
If a girl always texts first, what will a boy think of her?
If you want to start a conversation with someone, text them first. It shows you’re interested and confident.
However, some people think that if a girl always texts first, the boy will think she’s desperate or clingy. This isn’t necessarily true. If you’re always the one initiating conversations, it could just mean that you’re more outgoing than the boy you’re texting. There’s nothing wrong with being the one who texts first. It might even make the boy appreciate you more.
Of course, there is such a thing as overdoing it. If you’re constantly texting the boy without giving him a chance to reply, he might start to feel overwhelmed.
The best practice is to match his reply speed after you initiate the conversation. Then, sometimes you want to wait for a few days for him to be the one who initiates a conversation first. This will balance out the power dynamic in the relationship.
A word from Charismatic Persona
People who have high social confidence are not afraid to initiate the conversation first. And, when they sense the other person is not that interested in them, they can move on fast instead of dwelling on negative feelings like rejection, humiliation, or sadness. This is what makes them charismatic and you want to be one of them.