13 Ways How Saying Hurtful Things Affects A Relationship Negatively

Saying Hurtful Things Affects A Relationship

Words have immense power, capable of either building bridges or tearing them down. 

In the context of relationships, hurtful words can leave lasting scars and significantly impact the bond between individuals. Whether intentional or unintentional, the negative consequences of saying hurtful things are far-reaching. 

In this article, we will explore 13 ways in which uttering hurtful words can harm a relationship and provide insights into fostering a healthier communication environment.

13 Ways How Saying Hurtful Things Affects A Relationship Negatively

The thoughtless comments and hurtful remarks we make can leave deep wounds that take time to heal. In this section, we will explore the detrimental effects of saying hurtful things in a relationship, shedding light on the ways it can negatively impact the emotional well-being and connection between partners.

1. Eroding Trust:

Trust is the bedrock of any successful relationship. It is the belief that one can rely on their partner to be honest, supportive, and respectful. Hurtful words have a detrimental effect on trust within a relationship. When hurtful speech is present, it creates doubts and insecurities in the mind of the recipient. 

They may question the authenticity of their partner’s feelings and intentions, wondering if they truly have their best interests at heart. The erosion of trust makes it challenging to maintain a deep level of intimacy and emotional connection, as the recipient may become guarded and reluctant to open up.

2. Damaging Self-Esteem:

Our sense of self-worth and value is closely tied to how we perceive ourselves. Negative words have a profound impact on an individual’s self-esteem. Constant criticism and derogatory remarks gradually chip away at their sense of self-worth. When hurtful comments come from a partner, who is supposed to be a source of love and support, the impact can be even more profound. 

Over time, the recipient internalizes these negative messages, and their self-esteem diminishes. They begin to believe the hurtful words and may start questioning their own worth, abilities, and value in the relationship. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and self-doubt, which can significantly affect their overall well-being.

3. Creating Emotional Distance:

Communication is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship, serving as the primary means through which partners connect and understand each other. However, hurtful comments can erect emotional barriers that hinder this connection. Hurtful words create a sense of emotional distance and detachment between partners. 

The recipient of hurtful words may withdraw emotionally as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from further harm. They may become guarded, fearing further emotional pain. This emotional distance makes it challenging to nurture a close bond and inhibits the development of deep emotional intimacy. Without emotional closeness, the relationship can become strained and devoid of genuine connection.

4. Generating Resentment:

Repeatedly saying hurtful things can breed resentment within a relationship. Resentment is a toxic emotion that arises from feelings of anger, disappointment, and hurt. When hurtful comments are directed at a partner consistently, it creates a cycle of negativity. The recipient of hurtful words may become resentful towards their partner for causing emotional pain and for the lack of empathy and understanding. 

This resentment can slowly build and fester, poisoning the emotional climate of the relationship. It becomes increasingly difficult to cultivate love, trust, and mutual respect when resentment is present. Resentment hinders the growth of the relationship, making it challenging to foster a healthy and harmonious partnership.

5. Triggering Defensiveness:

Hurtful words have a profound effect on triggering defensiveness within a relationship. When hurtful comments are directed towards a partner, it often evokes a defensive response as a means of self-protection. The recipient may feel attacked, criticized, or belittled, causing them to put up emotional walls. 

They may become guarded and reluctant to engage in open and honest communication, fearing further emotional harm. This defensive stance creates a barrier between partners, hindering their ability to truly understand each other’s perspectives and needs. It becomes challenging to have productive discussions, address concerns, and resolve conflicts, as defensiveness becomes a primary response.

6. Undermining Communication:

Effective communication is the lifeblood of a healthy and thriving relationship. It is the foundation upon which trust, understanding, and emotional connection are built. However, hurtful words disrupt the communication channels within a relationship. When hurtful comments are exchanged, individuals may become hesitant to express their thoughts, opinions, and emotions openly. 

They may fear judgment, ridicule, or further hurtful remarks. As a result, important issues and concerns go unaddressed, leading to a buildup of resentment and frustration. The lack of open communication prevents partners from truly connecting and resolving conflicts in a constructive and empathetic manner.

7. Fueling Emotional Instability:

Hurtful comments have the power to fuel emotional instability within a relationship. Words have a profound impact on our emotions, and hurtful words can evoke intense emotional responses. Emotions such as anger, sadness, and frustration become heightened when hurtful comments are directed towards a partner. 

The emotional instability created by hurtful words leads to a volatile and unpredictable environment within the relationship. Partners may find themselves caught in a cycle of emotional ups and downs, making it difficult to establish a sense of emotional stability and security.

8. Instigating a Negative Cycle:

Once hurtful words enter the dynamics of a relationship, they can initiate a negative cycle that perpetuates further harm. Hurtful comments are likely to trigger emotional responses in the recipient, who may then respond with their own hurtful words in an attempt to defend themselves or inflict pain in return. 

This escalates the conflict and damages the bond between partners. The negative cycle created by hurtful words erodes the emotional connection and further erodes trust and intimacy. Breaking free from this destructive pattern requires conscious effort and a commitment to healthier communication practices.

9. Lowering Relationship Satisfaction:

Words hold immense power in shaping the overall satisfaction within a relationship. Constant negativity and the use of hurtful words diminish the joy, happiness, and contentment that partners derive from their union. When hurtful comments become a regular occurrence, they create a toxic atmosphere that weighs heavily on both individuals. 

The constant negativity chips away at the positive aspects of the relationship, leading to a decrease in overall satisfaction. It becomes challenging to find joy and fulfillment when hurtful words overshadow the positive experiences and moments shared between partners.

10. Impacting Intimacy and Affection:

Intimacy is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship, encompassing emotional, physical, and psychological closeness. However, hurtful words can undermine the foundation of intimacy and affection. Intimacy requires vulnerability and emotional safety, but hurtful comments breach this sense of safety and erode trust. 

The recipient of hurtful words may become guarded, withdrawing emotionally and avoiding the expression of affection. The emotional distance created by hurtful speech hinders the development of a deep emotional connection, making it difficult for partners to be open, vulnerable, and truly intimate with each other.

11. Hindering Problem-Solving:

Effective problem-solving is crucial for resolving conflicts and maintaining a harmonious relationship. Constructive and respectful communication is the key to finding solutions and compromises that satisfy both partners. However, hurtful words hinder this process. When hurtful comments are present, they create an atmosphere of defensiveness and hostility. 

Partners may become more focused on defending themselves or attacking each other rather than finding common ground. The ability to understand each other’s perspectives and work towards resolution becomes compromised, leading to unresolved conflicts and a breakdown in problem-solving mechanisms.

12. Increasing Stress Levels:

Living in an environment plagued by hurtful words significantly increases stress levels for both partners. The constant emotional strain caused by hurtful comments takes a toll on mental and physical well-being. Emotional stress can lead to anxiety, depression, and a general sense of unease within the relationship. 

It becomes increasingly difficult to relax, feel safe, and find comfort in each other’s presence when hurtful words linger in the air. The heightened stress levels further exacerbate the challenges within the relationship, creating a vicious cycle that perpetuates negativity and emotional strain.

13. Creating Long-Term Emotional Scars:

The impact of hurtful words can extend far beyond the moment they are spoken. The wounds caused by hurtful comments can leave lasting emotional scars. Even after apologies and attempts to reconcile, the memories of hurtful words may linger in the minds of both partners. 

These emotional scars can affect future interactions, creating a barrier to trust and vulnerability. The fear of being hurt again may prevent individuals from fully opening up or expressing their true feelings. The long-term emotional scars can impact the overall well-being of the relationship, hindering its growth and potential for a deeper connection.

Is it normal for couples to say hurtful things?

While conflicts and disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, it is not healthy or productive for couples to regularly say hurtful things to each other. Hurtful words can cause significant damage to the emotional well-being and trust within a relationship. 

Healthy communication involves expressing concerns, frustrations, and emotions in a respectful and constructive manner, without resorting to hurtful or demeaning language. It is important for couples to strive for open and honest communication while treating each other with kindness and empathy.

How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things?

Fixing a relationship after hurtful words have been said requires dedication, effort, and a commitment to change. Here are some steps that can help in the healing process:

  • Take responsibility and apologize sincerely: Acknowledge the impact of your hurtful words, take responsibility for your actions, and offer a genuine apology. Express remorse and empathy for the pain caused.
  • Reflect on underlying issues: Explore the reasons behind the hurtful words. Identify any unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, or patterns of communication that may have contributed to the hurtful behavior. Work together to address and resolve these underlying issues.
  • Practice active listening and empathy: Truly listen to your partner’s feelings and perspectives. Show empathy by trying to understand their emotions and experiences. Validate their feelings and provide reassurance that you are committed to positive change.
  • Establish healthy communication patterns: Make a conscious effort to communicate in a respectful and constructive manner. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, and actively listen to your partner without interrupting or being defensive. Seek professional help if needed to learn effective communication techniques.
  • Rebuild trust: Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort. Be patient and understanding as your partner may need time to heal. Be reliable, follow through on commitments, and demonstrate trustworthiness through your actions. Building trust requires transparency, honesty, and a commitment to rebuilding the emotional connection.

Can you say hurtful things to someone you love?

While it is possible for even the closest of relationships to experience moments of anger, frustration, or disagreement, it is important to recognize that hurtful words can cause lasting harm. Saying hurtful things to someone you love can damage the emotional bond, trust, and overall well-being of the relationship. 

It is crucial to treat your loved one with kindness, respect, and empathy, even during challenging moments. Healthy relationships prioritize open communication, understanding, and finding constructive ways to address issues without resorting to hurtful language or actions.

How can we break the cycle of hurtful words and foster healthier communication?

Breaking the cycle of hurtful words requires conscious effort and a commitment to healthier communication practices. Here are some steps to foster healthier communication:

  • Practice active listening: Truly listen to your partner’s perspective without interrupting or dismissing their feelings. Validate their emotions and show empathy.
  • Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
  • Take a time-out: If a conversation becomes heated, agree to take a break and revisit the discussion when both partners are calmer and more composed.
  • Seek professional help if needed: Consider couples therapy or counseling to learn effective communication techniques and address deeper issues within the relationship.


In the journey of love, the power of our words can either uplift or tear down the bonds we hold dear. It is within our reach to foster a communication environment rooted in kindness, respect, and empathy. 

By recognizing the profound impact of hurtful words and committing to a path of healing and growth, we can nurture the love and connection we deserve. 

Let us choose words that build bridges, mend wounds, and inspire the highest potential within our relationships. Together, we can create a future filled with understanding, harmony, and unwavering support.