Discovering that your partner has cheated on you can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience.
When confronted, some cheaters come up with all sorts of excuses and explanations that can be quite bewildering.
In this article, we will explore 17 ridiculous things that cheaters often say when confronted, shedding light on the strange and sometimes unbelievable stories they come up with.
17 Ridiculous Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
While it’s important to consider all perspectives in a relationship, these 17 ridiculous things cheaters say when confronted often reflect attempts to evade responsibility for their actions.
1. “It’s Not What It Looks Like”:
When confronted with evidence of their infidelity, one of the most frequently used phrases by cheaters is “It’s not what it looks like.” This phrase is often a desperate attempt to create doubt and confusion, hoping to divert attention away from the incriminating situation. Cheaters may argue that their actions were misconstrued or taken out of context, implying that there’s a reasonable explanation behind their behavior.
They might assert that the interactions with the other person were innocent, that they were merely engaging in a friendly conversation or spending time together without any romantic intentions. The cheater’s goal here is to paint a picture of innocence and maintain a facade of innocence, despite the evidence pointing towards a breach of trust.
2. “I Was Drunk”:
Blaming alcohol for their actions is another common excuse cheaters resort to. They might claim that they were under the influence of alcohol and thus not fully in control of their actions. This excuse shifts the responsibility away from their conscious decisions, implying that their judgment was impaired due to their intoxicated state.
By using this explanation, cheaters attempt to minimize their culpability, portraying themselves as victims of circumstances beyond their control. However, it’s worth noting that while alcohol can lower inhibitions, it doesn’t erase personal accountability for one’s choices and actions.
3. “You Weren’t Giving Me Enough Attention”:
Some cheaters opt to turn the tables on their partners by asserting that their infidelity was a direct result of feeling neglected or unappreciated in the relationship. By placing blame on their partner’s lack of attention or affection, they attempt to justify their betrayal as a response to their perceived emotional void.
This approach manipulates the situation by shifting responsibility onto the partner, making them question their role in the cheating. The cheater may imply that their actions were a cry for attention, potentially triggering feelings of guilt in their partner.
4. “We Were Just Friends”:
Downplaying the nature of their relationship with the other person is a classic maneuver cheaters often employ. By insisting that their interactions were strictly platonic and that they were “just friends,” they aim to alleviate suspicions and accusations of infidelity.
In doing so, cheaters attempt to redefine their actions as harmless and non-threatening to the primary relationship. However, this tactic often overlooks the emotional connections that can form between friends and the blurred boundaries that can develop.
5. “I Needed Validation”:
Cheaters sometimes seek to justify their actions by claiming they cheated to boost their self-esteem or seek validation from someone else. This narrative portrays them as vulnerable individuals who were seeking affirmation and reassurance from external sources.
By using this explanation, cheaters subtly shift the blame to their own insecurities and self-esteem issues, suggesting that their partner’s lack of validation contributed to their actions. This tactic can elicit sympathy and empathy, potentially leading their partner to question whether they played a role in the cheating.
6. “It Meant Nothing”:
Another tactic used by cheaters is to dismiss the affair as inconsequential and meaningless. By characterizing their actions as a “momentary lapse in judgment” or an isolated incident, they attempt to downplay the gravity of their betrayal.
This excuse seeks to minimize the emotional impact on their partner and portray the affair as a fleeting mistake that should be forgiven and forgotten. However, it fails to acknowledge the deeper trust issues that arise from infidelity and the breach of commitment.
7. “We Were About to Break Up Anyway”:
A convenient narrative cheaters might adopt is the suggestion that their relationship was already on the verge of ending, and the cheating was a result of the impending breakup. By presenting their actions as a response to the relationship’s perceived demise, they aim to rationalize their betrayal.
This approach seeks to redirect blame towards the relationship itself, as if the infidelity were a natural consequence of its deterioration. It can also make the partner question whether they missed signs of trouble within the relationship.
8. “I Wanted to Spice Things Up”:
Cheaters occasionally resort to portraying their actions as an attempt to bring excitement and novelty into their lives. By claiming that they cheated to “spice things up” or add a sense of adventure, they attempt to present themselves as individuals seeking thrills and spontaneity.
This explanation attempts to reframe the infidelity as a consequence of personal desires for excitement, rather than as a breach of trust and commitment. However, it fails to address the harm caused to their partner and the relationship.
9. “I Was Unhappy”:
Pointing to their own unhappiness within the relationship is another approach that cheaters may take. By asserting that they cheated due to feelings of dissatisfaction or discontent, they attempt to rationalize their actions as a response to their emotional state.
This narrative places the blame on the relationship itself, suggesting that their partner’s actions or the state of the relationship pushed them towards seeking solace or fulfillment elsewhere. While addressing unhappiness is important, cheating is not a constructive or healthy solution.
10. “You Drove Me to Do It”:
Some cheaters resort to manipulative tactics by blaming their partner for their actions. By asserting that their partner’s behavior, attitude, or actions pushed them to cheat, they attempt to paint themselves as victims of their partner’s behavior.
This approach shifts the responsibility away from their own choices and actions, making their partner question whether they contributed to the cheating. However, it’s important to remember that regardless of the relationship dynamics, cheating remains a breach of trust that requires accountability.
11. “I Didn’t Think You’d Find Out”:
This excuse implies that the cheater never expected to get caught and suggests that their intention was not to hurt their partner. By framing their actions as an attempt to keep the affair hidden, they attempt to justify their actions as a misguided effort to protect their partner from pain.
This narrative can evoke feelings of surprise and betrayal in their partner, who may wonder how long the cheating would have continued if it hadn’t been discovered. It also highlights the deception and lack of honesty in the cheater’s behavior.
12. “I Was Testing Our Relationship”:
A particularly manipulative excuse is claiming that the cheater was testing their partner’s commitment and love by engaging in an affair. By suggesting that the affair was a way to gauge their partner’s loyalty, they attempt to shift blame onto their partner for not passing the supposed test.
This approach is emotionally manipulative and can cause immense harm to the partner’s self-esteem and trust in the relationship. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect, rather than elaborate tests of love.
13. “I’m Sorry, I’ll Change”:
When confronted, some cheaters adopt a remorseful stance, expressing regret and promising to change their ways. By appealing to their partner’s emotions and vulnerability, they hope to elicit forgiveness and avoid the consequences of their actions.
This approach can be genuine in some cases, as individuals can truly feel remorse and commit to personal growth. However, it’s crucial to distinguish between sincere remorse and empty promises intended to avoid facing the consequences of their betrayal.
14. “It Was a One-Time Mistake”:
Labeling their infidelity as a one-time mistake is a tactic cheaters use to downplay the significance of their actions. By characterizing their behavior as an isolated incident, they attempt to convey that it doesn’t reflect their overall commitment to the relationship.
This excuse seeks to preserve the image of their character while ignoring the hurt and damage caused by their actions. It’s important to recognize that cheating is a breach of trust that can have profound effects on the dynamics of the relationship.
15. “I Thought You Were Cheating”:
In an attempt to deflect blame, some cheaters may accuse their partner of infidelity. By suggesting that they were responding to perceived unfaithfulness, they aim to create a sense of justification for their own actions.
This approach can be emotionally manipulative, as it places their partner on the defensive and distracts from the core issue of their betrayal. Healthy communication is vital in addressing suspicions and concerns within a relationship.
16. “I Was Vulnerable”:
Similar to claiming unhappiness, some cheaters assert that they were emotionally vulnerable and sought solace elsewhere. By depicting themselves as emotionally fragile individuals, they attempt to garner sympathy and understanding for their actions.
This narrative may highlight personal struggles, but it doesn’t excuse the breach of trust and commitment. Seeking emotional support is important, but infidelity is not a healthy or ethical way to address vulnerability.
17. “You Drove Me into Their Arms”:
This excuse takes the tactic of blaming to another level by suggesting that their partner’s behavior or actions forced them into the arms of someone else. By portraying themselves as victims of their partner’s behavior, they attempt to evade responsibility for their choices.
This narrative lacks accountability and fails to acknowledge that they had alternatives to address their concerns within the relationship. Healthy communication and problem-solving are more constructive approaches than resorting to infidelity.
Why do cheaters often use the excuse “It’s not what it looks like”?
When cheaters are confronted with evidence of their actions, they often resort to the excuse “It’s not what it looks like” because it allows them to create doubt and uncertainty in their partner’s mind. By sowing seeds of confusion, they hope that their partner will question their own judgment and interpretation of the situation.
This tactic can buy the cheater some time to come up with an explanation that paints their actions in a less negative light. Essentially, it’s a way to deflect attention away from their wrongdoing and attempt to maintain a façade of innocence.
Do cheaters really use the “I was drunk” excuse often?
Yes, the “I was drunk” excuse is a common one used by cheaters. When someone engages in behavior that they later regret, blaming it on alcohol offers a convenient way to avoid taking full responsibility for their actions.
While it’s true that alcohol can lower inhibitions and impair judgment, it doesn’t absolve individuals of accountability for the choices they make while under the influence. However, some cheaters use this excuse to minimize the severity of their actions, hoping that their partner will be more lenient or understanding due to the perceived lack of intentionality.
Why do some cheaters blame their partner for their infidelity?
Blaming their partner for their infidelity is a manipulation tactic aimed at shifting responsibility and guilt away from themselves. By accusing their partner of neglect, lack of attention, or even wrongdoing, cheaters attempt to justify their actions as a response to their partner’s behavior.
This approach can create confusion and self-doubt in their partner, as they may start questioning whether their actions indeed played a role in the cheating. It’s a strategy that allows the cheater to avoid taking full ownership of their betrayal and portrays them as victims of their partner’s alleged shortcomings.
Why do cheaters downplay the relationship with the other person as “just friends”?
Cheaters often downplay the nature of their relationship with the other person as “just friends” in an attempt to make their actions seem less threatening or hurtful. By presenting the situation as innocent, they hope to diminish suspicions and downplay the emotional or physical intimacy that may have occurred.
This tactic also serves to alleviate guilt on their part, as labeling the other person as a friend implies that their intentions were harmless. However, this downplaying overlooks the complexities of emotional connections and can further erode trust within the primary relationship.
Is it common for cheaters to promise change and say “I’m sorry”?
Yes, it’s not uncommon for cheaters to resort to expressing remorse, promising change, and saying “I’m sorry” when confronted. This strategy is used to manipulate their partner’s emotions and mitigate the consequences of their actions. By appearing repentant, cheaters hope to evoke empathy and forgiveness from their partner.
However, the sincerity of their remorse can vary significantly. In some cases, the cheater may genuinely regret their actions and want to work on the relationship. In other instances, these apologies may be empty gestures designed to avoid immediate consequences without addressing the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.
If the relationship has reached a point where trust has been broken and communication is strained, it might be worth considering whether staying together is in the best interest of both parties.
Sometimes, if happiness and well-being are compromised, ending the relationship can pave the way for personal growth and the pursuit of healthier, more fulfilling connections in the future.