13 Main Reasons for Lifelong Extramarital Affairs

Reasons for Lifelong Extramarital Affairs

Extramarital affairs have long been a topic of intrigue and controversy, challenging the boundaries of commitment and trust within relationships. 

While infidelity is generally frowned upon, there are cases where individuals find themselves engaged in lifelong extramarital affairs. 

In this article, we delve into the complexities of this phenomenon, exploring 13 reasons that contribute to the continuation of such affairs throughout a person’s life. 

13 Reasons for Lifelong Extramarital Affairs

In this section, we embark on an exploration of the 13 reasons behind the perpetuation of such affairs. By examining the underlying factors that contribute to these long-term infidelities, we seek to gain insight into the emotional, psychological, and societal complexities surrounding the choices individuals make, and foster a deeper understanding of the human experience within the realm of relationships.

1. Unfulfilled Emotional Needs:

In a marriage or committed relationship, emotional connection and support are vital for the well-being of both partners. When emotional needs are not met within the primary relationship, it can create a deep sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction. If one partner feels emotionally neglected or ignored, they may start seeking solace and companionship outside the marriage. This search for emotional fulfillment may lead to the development of a long-term extramarital affair.

When emotional needs go unfulfilled, individuals may seek understanding, empathy, and validation from someone outside their primary relationship. They may crave a deep emotional bond that provides them with the support and companionship they feel is lacking. The affair partner may become a confidant, offering a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on, which can create a sense of intimacy and connection that is missing in their marriage.

2. Lack of Sexual Satisfaction:

Sexual satisfaction plays a crucial role in a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship. When one partner’s sexual desires are consistently unmet, it can lead to frustration, resentment, and a feeling of being unloved or undesirable. In such cases, individuals may seek physical intimacy elsewhere, initiating and sustaining a prolonged extramarital affair.

The pursuit of sexual satisfaction outside the marriage may stem from a desire to fulfill unexplored fantasies, fetishes, or simply a need for more varied sexual experiences. The affair partner might offer a new level of passion, excitement, or a willingness to experiment that is absent in the primary relationship. This novelty can be alluring and contribute to the continuation of the affair, as individuals seek to fulfill their sexual needs and desires.

3. Escaping Routine and Monotony:

Long-term relationships, while providing stability and companionship, can sometimes fall into a predictable routine. The day-to-day responsibilities, obligations, and familiarity can breed a sense of monotony and boredom. In search of excitement, adventure, and a break from the mundane aspects of their daily lives, individuals may be drawn to extramarital affairs.

The affair offers an escape from the predictable routine, injecting a sense of spontaneity and thrill into their lives. The secrecy, forbidden nature, and the anticipation of stolen moments can be exhilarating. It provides an opportunity to experience new emotions, engage in novel activities, and recapture the feelings of excitement and passion that may have diminished within their primary relationship.

4. Fear of Commitment:

Commitment can be a daunting prospect for some individuals, leading them to seek relationships outside their marriage as a means to maintain a sense of freedom and independence. The fear of being tied down or trapped in a long-term commitment can drive individuals to engage in extramarital affairs.

These individuals may struggle with the idea of being exclusively committed to one person for the rest of their lives. They may fear losing their individuality, personal autonomy, or the ability to explore other potential relationships or experiences. Engaging in extramarital affairs allows them to maintain a certain level of independence and avoid the perceived constraints of a monogamous commitment.

5. Emotional Insecurity:

Emotional insecurity can play a significant role in driving individuals to engage in lifelong extramarital affairs. Deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and low self-esteem can create a constant need for validation and affirmation. These individuals may believe that their worth and desirability are contingent upon receiving attention and admiration from multiple sources.

Engaging in extramarital affairs can become a means to continually seek reassurance and bolster their self-esteem. The attention and affection received from an affair partner can temporarily fill the emotional void and provide a sense of validation that they may struggle to find within their primary relationship. The ongoing affair serves as a constant reminder that they are desired, wanted, and capable of capturing the attention of others, alleviating their emotional insecurities.

6. Unresolved Childhood Trauma:

Unresolved childhood trauma can deeply influence an individual’s behavior and choices in adulthood. Traumatic experiences such as a lack of emotional support, neglect, abuse, or an unstable family environment can leave lasting emotional scars. These unresolved wounds may manifest in adulthood as a pattern of seeking validation and intimacy outside of the primary relationship.

Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma may struggle with trust, intimacy, and forming secure attachments. The unmet emotional needs from childhood may lead them to seek solace and connection outside their marriage, as they search for the love, care, and emotional support they lacked in their formative years. The affair provides an opportunity to find temporary respite from their unresolved trauma and fulfill their deep-seated longing for emotional connection and validation.

7. Emotional Disconnect:

Over time, emotional connections within a marriage can deteriorate for various reasons, such as unresolved conflicts, communication breakdowns, or a lack of shared experiences. When emotional intimacy diminishes within the primary relationship, individuals may seek emotional connection elsewhere.

Establishing an emotional bond outside the marriage can offer solace, understanding, and the opportunity to feel seen and heard. The affair partner may provide a listening ear, empathy, and emotional support that is lacking within the primary relationship. This emotional connection can become a powerful incentive to sustain the extramarital affair, as individuals seek the emotional fulfillment and intimacy they yearn for but cannot find within their marriage.

8. Unmet Fantasy or Fetish:

Human sexuality is diverse and encompasses a wide range of desires, fantasies, and fetishes. If one partner in a marriage has specific fantasies or fetishes that are not shared or fulfilled by their spouse, it can create a sense of sexual frustration and unmet needs.

The desire to explore and fulfill these specific sexual desires can be a driving force in sustaining a lifelong extramarital affair. The affair partner may be willing to engage in activities or fulfill fantasies that the individual’s spouse is not comfortable with. The affair becomes a way to satisfy these unmet sexual desires and explore aspects of one’s sexuality that would otherwise remain unfulfilled within the boundaries of the primary relationship.

9. Revenge or Retaliation:

Instances of betrayal or infidelity within a marriage can have a profound impact on the dynamics of the relationship. When one partner discovers that they have been cheated on, it can trigger intense emotions such as anger, hurt, and a desire for revenge. In some cases, seeking retaliation through engaging in extramarital affairs can become a means of attempting to balance the scales of perceived injustice.

The act of retaliatory infidelity is driven by a desire to inflict the same pain and betrayal that one has experienced. By engaging in extramarital affairs, individuals may hope to evoke feelings of guilt and remorse in their unfaithful partner, creating a sense of power and control in a situation where they previously felt powerless. However, this cycle of hurt and betrayal often perpetuates further damage to the relationship, making reconciliation and healing more challenging.

10. Polyamorous Disposition:

Not everyone adheres to the traditional monogamous relationship model. Some individuals may have a polyamorous disposition, which means they have the capacity and desire to engage in multiple simultaneous romantic and sexual relationships. For these individuals, lifelong extramarital affairs may be a natural expression of their inherent inclination towards non-monogamy.

Polyamory involves open and consensual relationships, where all partners are aware of and agree to the multiple relationships involved. Those who identify as polyamorous may seek lifelong extramarital affairs as a means of fulfilling their need for multiple emotional and physical connections. The pursuit of simultaneous relationships outside the primary partnership is driven by a genuine desire for expanded intimacy, love, and companionship, rather than a desire to deceive or betray their primary partner.

11. Longing for Intimacy and Connection:

One of the fundamental aspects of human existence is the yearning for deep emotional bonds and connections. In some cases, individuals may find that their primary relationship lacks the level of intimacy, connection, and understanding they desire. This unfulfilled longing for emotional connection can fuel the continuation of lifelong extramarital affairs.

The affair partner may provide a level of emotional intimacy, understanding, and companionship that is absent or diminished in the primary relationship. The individual may feel a profound sense of connection and being truly seen and understood by their affair partner, which can be a powerful driving force in sustaining the affair over the long term. The emotional fulfillment and the sense of being desired and valued can become addictive, making it difficult to break away from the affair.

12. Fear of Confronting Relationship Issues:

Confronting and addressing relationship issues can be challenging and uncomfortable. It requires open communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to face potentially painful truths. Some individuals may choose to avoid confronting these issues within their primary relationship and instead seek solace in extramarital affairs as a means of escape and avoidance.

Engaging in lifelong extramarital affairs allows individuals to divert their attention from the underlying problems within their primary relationship. Rather than facing the difficulties and discomfort associated with addressing and resolving these issues, they may find temporary relief and distraction through the affair. However, this avoidance only perpetuates the cycle of unresolved problems, hindering the growth and development of the primary relationship.

13. Lack of Alternative Relationship Models:

Society often promotes monogamy as the only acceptable and valid form of commitment within relationships. However, not all individuals thrive in or resonate with this traditional relationship structure. The absence of alternative relationship models can contribute to individuals engaging in lifelong extramarital affairs as a means of finding fulfillment outside societal norms.

Some individuals may feel constrained and restricted by the confines of monogamy, experiencing a sense of dissatisfaction or a desire for greater variety and exploration. Without alternative relationship models that are widely recognized and accepted, individuals may choose to engage in lifelong extramarital affairs as a way to seek fulfillment, connection, and personal growth outside the traditional monogamous framework.

Can lifelong extramarital affairs ever be justified or considered acceptable?

While it is important to approach this topic with empathy and understanding, it is generally challenging to justify or consider lifelong extramarital affairs as acceptable within the context of a committed monogamous relationship. Lifelong affairs involve a breach of trust, dishonesty, and the potential for emotional harm to all parties involved. Building and maintaining healthy relationships require open communication, trust, and mutual respect. It is essential to prioritize the well-being and emotional integrity of all individuals involved in order to foster healthy and fulfilling relationships.

What are the potential consequences of engaging in lifelong extramarital affairs?

Engaging in lifelong extramarital affairs can have far-reaching consequences on multiple levels. Firstly, there is the risk of emotional damage and turmoil for all parties involved. Lifelong affairs can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and secrecy, eroding self-esteem and emotional well-being. Additionally, the discovery of an affair can result in severe damage to the primary relationship, potentially leading to separation or divorce. The ripple effects can extend to the larger social circle, impacting friendships and family dynamics. It is important to recognize and consider the potential consequences before choosing to engage in lifelong extramarital affairs.

Can extramarital affairs last a lifetime?

Extramarital affairs that last a lifetime are relatively rare but not unheard of. In some cases, individuals may engage in long-term affairs that span years or even decades. Factors such as strong emotional connections, compatibility, shared interests, or a lack of desire to leave the primary relationship can contribute to the longevity of an extramarital affair. However, it is important to note that lifelong affairs often come with significant emotional complexities and can have profound consequences for all parties involved. It is generally recommended to address the underlying issues within the primary relationship or explore alternative relationship models if long-term fulfillment is desired.

Can an extramarital affair be true love?

Defining an extramarital affair as “true love” is a subjective and complex matter. While affairs can involve genuine emotions, deep connections, and intense passion, it is important to recognize that they are built upon secrecy, betrayal, and a breach of trust within the primary relationship. True love typically encompasses honesty, trust, and a commitment to open communication. While individuals may experience strong feelings and a sense of love within an affair, it is crucial to navigate these emotions with awareness of the potential harm and ethical considerations involved. Building true and authentic love often involves addressing the underlying issues within the primary relationship and fostering open dialogue with all parties involved.

What is the psychology behind extramarital affairs?

The psychology behind extramarital affairs is multifaceted and varies from person to person. Some common psychological factors that may contribute to engaging in extramarital affairs include:

  • Unmet needs: Individuals may seek emotional, sexual, or psychological needs that are not being fulfilled within their primary relationship. This can include a desire for attention, validation, intimacy, excitement, or variety.
  • Lack of fulfillment: Dissatisfaction with one’s own life or personal fulfillment can contribute to seeking external validation or a sense of excitement through an affair. Individuals may seek to fill a void or escape feelings of boredom, stagnation, or unhappiness.
  • Attachment and intimacy issues: Some individuals may have difficulty forming secure attachments or experience fear of intimacy. Engaging in extramarital affairs may be a way to maintain emotional distance or protect oneself from vulnerability within the primary relationship.
  • Self-esteem and validation: For individuals with low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy, engaging in an affair may provide a temporary boost to their self-worth and self-confidence. Attention and validation from a new partner can reaffirm their desirability and attractiveness.
  • Escape and fantasy: Affairs can offer an escape from the realities and responsibilities of daily life. They can provide a sense of fantasy, excitement, and freedom from the routine and constraints of the primary relationship.

It is important to note that while these psychological factors shed light on potential motivations, every individual and situation is unique. Understanding the psychology behind extramarital affairs can help facilitate discussions, therapy, and personal growth for individuals seeking to navigate these complex dynamics.


Lifelong extramarital affairs are complex and emotionally charged situations that challenge the boundaries of commitment and trust within relationships. While the reasons behind these affairs vary, it is essential to approach the topic with empathy and understanding.

Understanding the underlying factors contributing to lifelong extramarital affairs allows us to have more open and honest conversations about the complexities of human relationships. It highlights the importance of addressing unmet needs, fostering emotional connection, and seeking fulfillment within the primary relationship.

However, it is important to acknowledge that engaging in extramarital affairs is not a sustainable solution and can cause significant emotional harm. Instead, investing in open communication, professional support, and personal growth offers a healthier path for navigating relationship challenges.

By fostering a culture of honesty, understanding, and emotional fulfillment, we can build stronger, more fulfilling partnerships. Let us prioritize the well-being and happiness of all individuals involved, creating a foundation of trust and mutual respect that paves the way for healthier relationships and personal growth.