Welcome to my guide on how to help insecure girlfriend to trust you more.
To help your insecure girlfriend, you need to communicate with her that her behaviour is ruining the relationship. Instead of arguing with her directly, you must first let her know that you love her and you always want to be with her. After she felt loved, then you can start giving her suggestion on what she can change to make the relationship better.
In this guide, you will learn how to solve this insecurity problem once and for all.
Insecure girlfriend signs
Please note that having a sense of insecurity does not necessarily mean she is terrible and does not deserve to be loved.
Most of the time, the girl can feel her insecurity and also feels terrible not being able to trust someone she loves completely. If you love her, you can help her to walk out from this.
Your girlfriend has an insecurity issue if she carries the following signs.
1) Very defensive – She takes everything, including some of your compliments, as criticism or personal attack.
2) Control freak – She restricts your freedom, check your phone, track your whereabouts, and always checking what you are doing.
3) Unreasonable jealousy – She does not allow you to interact with any other girls even though she knows it is just a normal friendship that you have.
4) Guity shame – She accuses you of things you never do or play victims to make you feel bad when you are actually doing nothing wrong.
Why is my girlfriend feeling insecure
The feeling of insecurity in a relationship mainly comes from uncertainty and lack of confidence.
She loves you, but she does not think that she is good enough to have you, so she is frequently in fear of losing you.
To be more precise, she feels insecure because she is worried about three things.
1) You won’t love her anymore.
2) You will find someone else better than her.
3) You are going to leave her.
If you can help her to overcome the three fears and reassure that her worries are imaginary, then you will be able to solve her insecurity problem.
How To Help Insecure Girlfriend
Based on my experience, the below tips can help her to overcome insecurity, but the key lies mainly on communication.
So, I want to start with communication first, and I want to show you how to communicate with her, so she will listen and accepts your suggestion to help her.
How to Communicate with Girlfriend Who Feels insecure
A lot of guys communicate with the wrong way. They raised their voice and started to shout at her, or they refuse to talk and remonstrate with cold violence.
She is already struggling with insecurity. So, doing that will only worsen her condition, and it will not change a thing.
A better approach would be stepping into her shoes and help her to acknowledge that she is feeling insecure. Then, reassure that her fears are not real and she is not going to lose you. Lastly, both of you want to find common ground that each of you will put in the effort to lead a healthy relationship.
What to say to your girlfriend when she feels insecure
When she is mad at you or being unreasonable jealous of something, you want to hold her hand get her closer to you gently. Then, you want to look into her eyes and speak softly.
Below is what you can say to communicate with her about the insecurity problem. You can adjust it to fit your style.
“Can I talk to you for a while? I feel like it has been a long time I didn’t really talk to you. It’s for our relationship, and I think it is important.”
Wait for her to say yes, then continue.
“Well, I just want to tell you my feelings about you, about myself, and our relationship. I think our relationship is deteriorating, and sometimes I feel the way how you treat me hurts me a lot.
You know I love you, and you know I will always cherish you, but why can’t you just trust me a little bit more. Am I someone who do not deserve trust, respect and love?”
Wait for her to acknowledge that you deserved to be trusted, respected and loved. At this point, she will try to steer the conversation back to herself and tell you the reasons why she does not trust you.
If she does that, you should let her talk and should not try to stop her. You want her to vent out her negative emotion first. However, you do not have to agree with what she said. You just want to listen to her while holding her hands. You want her to feel respected, loved and heard.
After she finished talking, you do not want to start speaking directly. You want to give her a few seconds to rest and let her digest what she has just said. She will come to realize that all the reasons she gave are just an excuse. It cannot justify her wrong mentality or action.
Then you can continue.
“I know you are doing this because of [repeat the reasons which she has just told you] (e.g., the previous relationship, the family background that she has). I just want you to know that I was not in your past and I can’t help you to fix what has already happened.
However, I’m your present. I want to have a healthy relationship with you now and forever in the future. But, if you keep judging me and accuse me based on the past which I can’t fix, don’t you think that is too harsh and unfair for me?”
Wait for her to acknowledge her action is wrong. Most of the time, she will say she knows it is wrong, but she does not know what else can she do.
Then you can continue.
“This is not your relationship, and this is not my relationship. This is our relationship. So, from now on, I promise you I will put in more effort to make you feel loved, so you do not need to feel so insecure anymore. I will start to hug you more, kiss you more, and I will date you more like how we first met. Whenever you have something to say or when you are feeling insecure again, I will make sure I will always be there for you and always be ready to listen to what you have to say.
I love you, and I want to keep you forever and make this relationship the best thing that ever happened to us. However, you know I can’t do this alone. I need you to grow the relationship together with me. So, are you willing to put in the effort to make our relationship better?”
Wait for her to say yes, then continue.
“I know it can be quite a challenge for you because it is not something you used to do. But, I want you to believe in me more and trust me just like how I trusted you. Can you do that for me?”
Wait for her to say yes, then continue.
“Ok, I assume that we have now come to a common ground that we will respect and trust each other more. So, can I request you not to check my phone anymore or being jealous when I talk to my female friends? (Request whatever changes that you want) I already have you, and you are everything that I wanted anyway. Can you do these for me?”
Wait for her to say yes. If not, discuss and try to find common ground which is acceptable for both of you. Then, tell her you love her again and give her a bear hug.
If you follow the conversation structure above, she will be much more willing to open up to you, acknowledge that she has insecurity issue and will agree to change to improve the relationship.
The key is to keep reassuring that you love her, you cherish the relationship, and you are making the suggestion, not just for your own convenience, but it is the best thing for the relationship.
Extra tips on how to reassure an insecure girlfriend
Below are some actions you can do to make her feel loved and less insecure.
Please pay attention to her changes. If she changed her hairstyle, tried out a new fashion or makeup, remember to praise her if you like it. When she does something sweet for you or she excel in something, you want to compliment her as well.
Compliments will help to boost her confidence, so she knows she is attractive enough to keep you always.
2) Sweet words
We can’t read minds. So, you have to say it out and let her know that you love her and you miss her.
If you are willing to do this every day, not only she will feel loved more, but also you will feel the same thing too because she is likely to do the same thing in return.
3) Love her in the public
Hold her hands on the street, buy her flowers, invite her to dance on the dance floor, etc.
Bring her along to gathering events and introduce her to all your friends will make her feels special and loved.
4) Make her feel important
Rely on her and tell her that you can’t live without her. For example, tell her that you miss the cookies she baked, you can’t sleep without her by your side, and you feel good to be around her.
5) Help her to build confidence
Workout with her, lead a healthy lifestyle. Also, accompany her to pick up a passion. All of these will help her to improve her self image and increase her confidence level.
6) Keep your promises
Do not give promises easily, but once you do it, you must give your best to fulfil it. Show her that you are the man of your word. When you continuously fulfil what you have said, she will trust you when you say you love her and you will not leave her.
7) Learn her love language
Everyone perceives love differently. Learn what makes her feel loved and then convey your love in the way how she perceives it. This is more effective than loving her in your own way.
8) Talk about relationship topic
Learn what her ideal relationship is. Also, discuss with her the current relationship issues and what is the best solutions for it. This way, the relationship will get better in the long term.
9) Date her like how you used to be
Date her out once a week. Write her love letters, send her flirty messages, and also buy her little gifts occasionally. Those things you do when you first met her, you should keep it up.
Why She Acts Unreasonable
From time to time, girls like to test their man to see how much they love her.
One of the tests they like to give is to see if the man can be aware of their emotion fluctuation. And if she is in a bad mood, she wants to see if you will compromise and let her win.
They subconsciously think it this way. If you compromise and do it her way, it means you love her. Otherwise, you do not love her.
So, you have to be able to see through this and understand that what she truly wants is your love. She does not want your reasons and philosophies. There’s no point in arguing with logic.
When you think her request is too much, just hug her first and tell her that you love her. Once she feels that, then only you start to communicate with her.
If she feels loved, maybe you do not even need to do any reasoning anymore, and she will just do as what you say.
What If Communication Does Not Work
If you have given in all you can, but she still refuses to change, then you have to decide if you want to keep her or to let her go.
It is not fair if you are the only one who is working hard for the relationship.
If the relationship is unhealthy and getting out of it can give you more happiness, then you might want to consider just let her go.
Remember this, you do not owe her anything, and you deserved to be loved the right way.
The Bottom Line On How To Help Your Insecure Girlfriend
Communication is the key to let her understand that her behaviour is hurting you and the relationship. Let her know that she does not have to be that insecure because her fears do not exist, and you love her very much. Discuss with her on how to improve the relationship together and turn the current relationship into a healthy one.
Guys, I wish you all the best in helping your girlfriend who is struggling with insecurity.
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