Relationships are built on trust, but it’s not uncommon for one partner to feel insecure in the relationship. If you have an insecure boyfriend, it can be difficult to know how to support him and improve trust in your relationship. In this article, we will explore some good strategies for dealing with an insecure boyfriend and building a stronger, more trusting relationship.
15 Signs of an insecure boyfriend
Insecurity can manifest in many different ways in a relationship. If you suspect that your boyfriend may be feeling insecure, it’s essential to be aware of the following signs so that you can support him and work together to improve the trust level in your relationship.
1) He constantly seeks reassurance from you or others about his worth or attractiveness.
This behavior may include constantly asking for compliments about his appearance, seeking validation for his actions or decisions, or looking for approval from others. This type of behavior may be a sign that he lacks confidence in himself and looks to others to provide him with a sense of self-worth.
For example, he may ask you multiple times a day if you think he is handsome or if you still find him attractive. He may also seek validation from his friends or colleagues for his appearance or actions.
2) He is jealous or possessive of your time and attention.
This may involve becoming upset or angry if you spend time with other people, especially if they are of the opposite sex. It may also involve wanting to spend all his time with you or becoming upset if you have other commitments or obligations. This type of behavior may be a sign that he has low self-esteem and is fearful of losing you to someone else.
For example, he may become upset if you spend time with your friends or family without him or if you give attention to someone else, such as a coworker or classmate.
3) He is overly sensitive to criticism or perceived slights.
He may become defensive or upset if he perceives someone as criticizing him, even if the criticism is minor or well-intentioned. He may also take things personally or become upset if he feels like someone is not giving him enough attention or appreciation that he feels he deserves.
For example, he may become defensive and start a fight with you after you gave him some suggestions to improve his personal project. He took everything you said as a personal attack and quickly justify his action despite it might not be the best way to accomplish his goal.
4) He tries to control your behavior or decisions.
This may involve dictating what you wear, who you spend time with, or how you spend your time. He may try to control your behavior in order to feel more secure in the relationship or to try to protect himself from potential threats.
For example, he may tell you which dress to wear and how to style your hair. Also, he might ban you from spending time with your friends who he doesn’t like.
5) He frequently belittles or puts down others, including you.
He may use derogatory language or try to make others feel inferior in order to boost his own ego or self-esteem. This type of behavior may be a sign of deep-seated insecurities and a lack of self-confidence.
For example, he may make critical comments about your friends or family in order to make himself feel superior. He may also try to make you feel inferior by belittling your interests or hobbies.
6) He is excessively worried about being abandoned or rejected.
Your boyfriend has serious anxiety when both of you are away from each other. As a result, he is very clingy and always wants to know where you are and what are you doing all the time.
For example, he might constantly text you and want you to come home earlier even if you have already told him about the gathering and you are just meeting your old friend. This happened because he is not confident with himself and he feels that the person you are meeting can easily be more interesting and attractive than him, and he might end up getting abandoned.
7) He lacks confidence in his own decisions or abilities.
Signs of an insecure boyfriend lacking confidence in his own abilities may include him seeking constant reassurance from you about every decision he makes or asking for your opinion before taking any action. He might also avoid doing things that could potentially lead to failure by coming up with excuses or completely avoiding certain tasks altogether.
Additionally, he may become jealous if others are praised for their accomplishments or if someone succeeds at something he has tried but failed at himself.
8) He is overly dependent on you or others for emotional support.
To determine if your partner is insecure, look for signs that he relies on you or others for emotional support. If he cannot handle his own emotions and needs constant validation from you or a friend, this is a definite sign of insecurity.
Examples of an overly dependent partner may include rely heavily on friends and family members for advice or moral support rather than dealing with issues independently. Additionally, if he does not like being alone and has difficulty making decisions without consulting other people first. All these could be signs that your partner is feeling insecure in the relationship.
9) He is hesitant to express his own opinions or feelings.
Do you feel like your boyfriend isn’t open to sharing his inner thoughts and feelings? Is he hesitant to express his own opinions or feelings in the relationship? If so, this could be a sign of insecurity.
When people are insecure they tend to hold back on expressing themselves due to fear of judgment or rejection. This can lead to difficulty in having meaningful conversations and creating an atmosphere that leaves both partners unsatisfied.
10) He puts down your interests or hobbies to make himself feel superior.
He may try to make you feel inferior by belittling or dismissing your passions or hobbies. This type of behavior may be a sign of low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in his own interests or abilities.
For example, he may tell you that your passion is a waste of time or not important. He may try to discourage you from pursuing your interests or hobbies, telling you that you are not good enough or that you will not succeed.
11) He is prone to mood swings or sudden changes in behavior.
A common sign of insecurity from a partner is extreme reactions to everyday situations. If he gets angry or defensive when you do something innocent like picking up a call outside, it could be a sign he doesn’t trust you. He may also become demanding and possessive, wanting to know where you are and who you’re with at all times.
An insecure person might also quickly jump to conclusions without giving the other person time to explain their actions – for example, if they don’t answer a text right away they assume they must have been seeing someone else.
12) He frequently apologizes or tries to make amends for perceived wrongdoings.
A sign of an insecure boyfriend is his tendency to apologize frequently and attempt to make amends even if no wrong has been done. This is a behavior that arises from deep-seated insecurity, often stemming from a lack of self-confidence. The boyfriend may be so preoccupied with the idea that he may have made mistakes in the relationship that he feels compelled to constantly apologize.
For example, the insecure boyfriend may apologize for not calling at night when there was nothing wrong or offer excessive gifts or favors as a way of trying to make up for any imagined misdeeds. He might also feel like he has to keep saying sorry even though it wasn’t necessary in order to try and get reassurance from his partner.
13) He has low self-esteem or a negative self-image.
One of the most common indicators that a boyfriend may have an insecure attachment style is if he displays signs of having a negative self-image. Self-image refers to how someone perceives themselves, and if it’s low, it can manifest in numerous ways.
An insecure boyfriend might avoid social situations or intimate moments with his partner because he doesn’t feel good enough or worthy. He might also put down himself by making jokes about his physical appearance, intelligence, or capabilities.
In addition to that, an insecure boyfriend might also express other negative emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety or depression due to feeling inferior. He could be jealous of his partner’s successes or friendships with others as a result of feeling like he isn’t good enough for them.
14) He lacks trust in you or others.
A lack of trust in a relationship is one of the biggest red flags that can indicate an insecure partner. If your significant other constantly questions you or expresses distrust toward others, this could be an indication that he has deep-rooted insecurities.
An insecure boyfriend may exhibit signs such as being overly controlling, wanting to know your whereabouts at all times, questioning who you’re with and for how long, or even accusing you of cheating without any evidence. He might also accuse you of lying to him or try to isolate you from friends and family by making negative comments about them.
Additionally, if he demands access to your phone or social media accounts so he can monitor all of your activity. This too could show a lack of trust on his part.
15) He is prone to anger or aggression when his insecurities are triggered.
He may become upset or angry if he feels threatened or if his insecurities are triggered in some way. This type of behavior may be a coping mechanism for his insecurities and may be a sign that he needs support in addressing and managing his emotions.
For example, He may become argumentative or confrontational when his insecurities are threatened, even if the situation does not warrant a strong emotional reaction. Also, He may become defensive or closed off when his insecurities are triggered, rather than seeking support or healthy ways to cope with his emotions.
15 ways to handle an insecure boyfriend
Dealing with an insecure boyfriend can be challenging, as insecurities can lead to issues such as jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of trust.
If you are in a relationship with an insecure boyfriend, there are steps you can take to support him and help him build self-confidence and self-esteem. In this section, we will discuss 15 ways to handle an insecure boyfriend, including communication, validation, and encouraging self-care practices.
1) Communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend.
It is important to be open and honest with your boyfriend about how his insecurities are impacting you and the relationship. This means being willing to discuss your concerns and feelings with him and to listen to his perspective as well.
You should try to create a safe and supportive environment where you can both share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
2) Validate his feelings and show him empathy.
When your boyfriend is feeling insecure, it is important to validate his feelings and show him empathy. This means acknowledging his feelings and letting him know that it is normal to feel insecure at times.
It is important to be supportive and understanding and try to put yourself in his shoes to better understand what he is going through. Maybe you can share your similar experience and what did you do to get out of the insecurities.
3) Encourage him to seek therapy or counseling.
If your boyfriend’s insecurities are causing significant distress or impacting the relationship, it may be helpful for him to seek the support of a licensed therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can provide him with the tools and support he needs to work through his insecurities and build self-confidence and self-esteem.
You can offer to help him to find a good counselor and accompany him to the first session. Then, after the therapist gives some suggestions or advice, you can practice those steps with him every day. It will help him to walk out from insecurity faster.
4) Encourage him to engage in self-care practices.
It is important for your boyfriend to take care of his physical and emotional well-being, and this means engaging in self-care practices such as getting enough sleep, exercising, and finding healthy ways to cope with stress.
You can explore what are the self-care activities that will bring him joy and relaxation and do it together with him. Maybe both of you can go for a spa day or a wellness day and practice couple yoga together.
5) Provide reassurance and support.
Let your boyfriend know that you love and support him and that you are there for him, no matter what. This can be especially important when he is feeling insecure, as it can help to provide him with a sense of stability and security.
For example, you can write cute and lovely notes for him, or give him a simple hug after he comes back from work or encounters a setback. Your touch and body warmth can melt his insecurities away.
6) Avoid criticism or belittling.
When your boyfriend is feeling insecure, it is important to avoid criticism or belittling, as this can only further his insecurities. Be mindful of the way you communicate with him and try to be supportive and understanding, rather than critical or judgmental.
Instead of telling him what he has done wrong directly, you can give him a hug or a kiss first, and then only give your suggestion in a gentle tone. This makes it easier for him to understand you are coming from a loving perspective and you are not trying to judge or make him feel bad.
7) Encourage him to pursue his own interests and hobbies.
Encourage your boyfriend to find interests or hobbies that will bring him joy and fulfillment, and support him in these endeavors. If he is not sure what he likes, you can make a list of new activities he would like to try and go on adventures with him.
For example, if he thinks he likes drawing, you can buy an online drawing course for beginners and learn how to draw with him. Or, you can go to an art exhibition with him and maybe give him some drawing tools as a present to encourage him to pursue his interest. This will make him feel loved and supported and he will appreciate you more than ever.
8) Set healthy boundaries.
It is important for both partners in a relationship to have their own space and independence, and setting healthy boundaries can help to promote a sense of security in the relationship. Encourage your boyfriend to respect your boundaries and to allow you the space and independence you need, and be sure to respect his boundaries as well.
Healthy boundaries would include not checking each other phones, do not interrupt when one partner goes out for a gathering with friends, and not yelling during a discussion, etc.
Sometimes, an insecure person might set some weird and unreasonable boundaries. In that case, you should try to understand things from his perspective first and decide if you want to compromise on that. If not, it’s better to explain to him why the boundaries might be unreasonable for you.
9) Encourage him to work on his self-confidence.
You can encourage your boyfriend to try new things and to challenge himself, as this can help to build self-confidence and self-esteem. Also, you can motivate him to set goals and work towards them, and be supportive of his efforts to improve his self-confidence.
For example, if he wants to be a healthier person and he wants to start working out, you can prepare some healthy meals for him as encouragement. Or, you can give him a verbal compliment that you like his determination and persistence.
10) Encourage him to practice gratitude.
Encourage your boyfriend to focus on the things he has to be thankful for, rather than dwelling on his insecurities. This can help to shift his perspective and to focus on the positive aspects of his life.
Every time when he starts to complain, remind him to remove the negative energy and focus back on gratitude. You can also practice gratitude journaling together with your boyfriend where both of you write down 3 grateful things every day and share them with each other.
11) Encourage him to practice mindfulness.
Encourage your boyfriend to focus on the present moment and to be aware of his thoughts and emotions, rather than getting caught up in negative self-perception. Encourage him to engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing to help him manage his emotions and reduce stress.
12) Encourage him to seek out supportive relationships.
It is crucial to remind your boyfriend to surround himself with supportive and understanding people, as this can help to boost his self-confidence and self-esteem. Also, you can encourage him to develop healthy, positive relationships with others who can provide him with emotional support.
If he has a healthy social circle, he will become more confident and independent. Also, he will be less over-relying to you.
13) Encourage him to accept himself and his imperfections.
Many of us struggle with the need to be perfect, and this can lead to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.
If your boyfriend feels insecure because he didn’t probably acknowledge and accept himself, then you should encourage him to be kind to himself and to recognize that everyone has flaws and imperfections. This can help him to be more accepting of himself and to let go of the need to be perfect.
Also, you can practice self-compassion together with him and recognize that it is okay to make mistakes. By learning to accept himself and his imperfections, your boyfriend can build a stronger sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.
14) Encourage him to challenge negative thoughts.
Encouraging your boyfriend to challenge negative thoughts can be an important step in helping him to build self-confidence and self-esteem because negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves can contribute to feelings of insecurity and low self-worth.
One of the best ways to start is to encourage your boyfriend to examine the evidence for his negative beliefs about himself and to try to reframe them in a more positive light. This can help him to build a more positive and realistic self-perception.
Also, you can encourage him to practice self-compassion and to be kind to himself, rather than engaging in self-criticism or negative self-talk. By challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, your boyfriend can learn to be more accepting of himself and build a stronger sense of self-worth.
15) Be patient and understanding.
It can take time for someone to work through their insecurities and build self-confidence, and it is important to be patient and understanding as your boyfriend navigates this process. Offer support, encouragement, compliment, or sweet surprises as he works to improve his self-esteem can help him to cope with insecurity faster.
Is my boyfriend insecure or controlling?
It is not uncommon for people to struggle with insecurity in relationships, and this can sometimes manifest as controlling behavior. However, it is important to recognize that there is a difference between insecurity and controlling behavior.
Insecurity can lead to behaviors such as jealousy or possessiveness, but it is typically not motivated by a desire to control or manipulate the other person.
Controlling behavior, on the other hand, is often motivated by a desire to have power or control over another person or a situation.
If your boyfriend is consistently trying to control your actions, decisions, or relationships with others, it is possible that he may be exhibiting controlling behavior rather than just insecurity. It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your concerns and to seek support if you feel like your relationship is unhealthy or unbalanced.
What causes an insecure boyfriend?
An insecure boyfriend may have a number of underlying causes. These can include a lack of self-esteem or self-confidence, past experiences of rejection or abandonment, or feelings of inadequacy or insecurity in the relationship. In some cases, an insecure boyfriend may have been exposed to unhealthy relationship dynamics during childhood or previous relationships, which can influence their behavior in future relationships. It is important to note that each person is unique, and the specific causes of insecurity in a boyfriend can vary greatly.
It is worth mentioning that an insecure boyfriend may not be an unhealthy or dangerous partner, many times it may be a sign of past traumas or lack of self-care. A willingness to address these issues, with the help of a therapist or counselor, can help him to build a more secure and healthy relationship with a partner.
How do I comfort my insecure boyfriend?
The best way to comfort your insecure boyfriend would be to acknowledge his feelings and let him know that it is normal to feel insecure sometimes. You can be supportive and try to put yourself in his shoes to understand better what he is going through. By showing him empathy, you can help him feel heard and understood, which can be very comforting if he feels vulnerable or insecure.
How do you talk to someone who feels insecure in the relationship?
When talking to someone who feels insecure, it is important to be empathetic and nonjudgmental.
First, you should try to listen actively and validate their feelings. And, during the discussion, you should avoid making comparisons or giving unsolicited advice. Instead, you should just focus on helping them to explore and understand their own feelings.
In addition to that, you can encourage them to talk about their insecurities and offer support and encouragement as they work to build their self-confidence. It’s also helpful to create a safe and non-threatening environment for them to express themselves. Doing all these will show them that you care and respect them, and this will help them to feel more comfortable opening up to you and have more trust in the relationship.